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Chat is it misogyny if within your family you (not a woman but consistently gendered as one) and your mom are always expected to do the cooking to the point where your brother and your dad don't know how to cook. Oh and also they're always going out with their friends (obviously not COVID-safely) while you have to work ~1 hour a day (not every day but most days) for a meal that they might not even end up eating but expect to have on the table anyways. Oh and also there is not really any way to shorten that cooking time because cooking a full Chinese family-style meal is the expectation and there's no real way to get out of that. Is this that Feminism 101 concept of "invisible labor" that we like to talk about. Because I feel like in my family I'm the only person who sees this and I don't dare bring it up because if I do I'll be made to feel ridiculous.
yes, absolutely
Yes. And it's also parentification since that expectation to take care of your father and brother instead of them growing for themselves and learning to do it is being pushed onto you, putting you into the role of family caretaker against your will. Also it goes without saying but it's also transphobia insofar as they're treating you like a woman and trying to impose womanhood onto you despite your issues with it.
It's so annoying, my brother is now at the age where I learned to cook and yet he doesn't do anything. He's a bit of a food snob too so I thought cooking would be of some interest to him? Literally my mom came downstairs today and saw me eating a lunch of some leftovers and said "you didn't even help make food for the rest of us? do you even want to be a part of this family?" and then I had to. literally microwave leftovers for the rest of my family because apparently my brother and my dad don't even want to do that for themselves today???
Yeah that's bullshit, I'm sorry they're being like this, I hope school will help you wean yourself away soon.
Yes
I appreciate the validation
You're switched on and know what it is. You're welcome
Possibly the most clear cut example of it I can think of.
I think I struggled with recognizing it because I once brought this up to my mom and her response was "well your brother does all these other chores" and what I'm learning to realize now is that all the other chores that my brother does just pale in comparison to cooking. Like yes my brother helps put the dishes away after dinner but that's a 5 minute task and not an hour long one.
Yes, and it seems kinda wasteful to have to cook a full meal regardless of if they’re gonna eat it or not.
Maybe you could just start making simpler meals, serving leftovers from the meals they don’t eat, or even experimenting with different dishes you want to try and if anyone complains you can just tell them that they’re welcome to cook next time if they want? That way you’re still cooking so it makes them seem like the unreasonable ones and forces them to justify why you should do all the extra work. That said I have exactly 0 experience with chinese family dynamics so take that with a grain of salt.
Kinda reminds me of my grandparents, who aren’t progressive by any means, but one day my grandfather complained to my grandmother about a lunch she made for him so she literally never made another lunch for him again lol