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My mother raised me to see “I’m one of the good guys” as a part of who I was. I was so sure that I was a good person, because basically I was raised to believe it. As an axiom, almost.
But as I’ve finally started to accept my shadow, that I’m not an angel, it’s given me a view into how much good I actually do in the world and I realized me having warm fuzzy feelings for cute things doesn’t make me a good person. In fact, I’m kind of shitty because I sneak around doing shit I know people would be mad at me doing, I make promises I would know I’m going to break, if I simply looked at my track record realistically.
It made me realize there’s a segment of culture where you basically see yourself as the good guys as an axiom, or as a super weak conclusion from observing your own guilt, compassion, kindness, etc.
Or because I would never consciously, deliberately set out to wrong someone. I mean, I wronged people all the time by misleading them about how committed I was, about what I would deliver, how capable I was, etc.
I’m having trouble describing how deep, and irrational, this belief in my own good-sider nature. Like, if I’d put myself into the Star Wars universe, I’d see myself as a Jedi. Despite the fact I spent days, months, decades even indulging in exactly what Yoda described as the path to the Dark Side.
This makes a lot of sense, actually.
And I bet we all have this to some degree ... I don't WANT to think of myself as the bad guy. And my first reaction to criticism is usually defensiveness. Unless I'm already feeling bad/regretful about something, then I need some time and space to consider my behavior from someone else's perspective.
But yea in his parents' case it seems painfully simple-minded: we're on the correct side of history and fly BLM flags so we're good people. Nevermind that we faked unemployment from the CARES act for a little spending money (not due to any financial hardship) or that we probably gave people COVID on our travels...because as long as they aren't actively out there calling people names or posting conspiracy theories to facebook, they're the good ones. They're "inclusive", not hateful. They'll admit that we're "all in this together" and yadda yadda.
Maybe it's partly how they were raised, but in this case, it also feels like political polarization has given them the confidence to be selfish a-holes.