vestmoria

yet another post about the expletive I used at the workplace (the word fuck).

I asked my union representative who, among other things, suggested to explain to the coworker why I used the word, but so far I haven't worked with her again. To me, using that word while working means nothing, but I can change my behavior around some coworkers if they find the word so offensive.

As I was sitting working my manager came to me, not asking but demanding I explain myself for using the word. She didn't ask for my side of the story, which is the reason why I want a union representative present, because otherwise my manager will start yelling and won't let me speak, and I still don't know how many times she claims I used that word, if I yelled or if I told anyone to eff off.

First words out of my mouth: I'm not going to talk about this without a union representative present.

She kept pushing it, and I kept repeating my position. We repeated our sentences four times. Then she said she would inform HR, I simply said they can come, so we all four conduct the meeting.

Just as I thought we were going to agree on a time and place for a meeting, she leaves.

I asked: Aren't we going to agree on a time and place to conduct the meeting?

Her answer: you can do that yourself.

I contacted my union representative who told me his available time slots for the next 3 weeks.

Since then I've been transferred to another unit (worse one) and another unit within the same system and city has offered me a job, starting in March 2025.

I still don't understand why my manager left so abruptly and the transfer feels like retaliation, but she is well within her rights to do that.

I guess I'm well within my rights to quit the unit, but the whole situation feels strange.

I also feel my manager is playing power games: It's me the one who has to ask for a meeting with her and HR, it's me the one who has to state a reason good enough for the meeting to take place.

I feel she thought she could corner me and wasn't expecting me to have contacted the union.

When people yell at me I either yell back, go away or tell the other party to wait for a meeting with somebody I trust, like a union representative.

Even if you believe I've been an idiot for saying that word at the workplace, at least you'll agree this is a learning experience. Be professional at the workplace, coworkers are not your friends, be good at what you do.

If I quit, this episode is not the only reason why, but the straw that broke the camel's back.

What would you do?

followed with 'I wasn't aware is so important to you. I didn't want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I'll try to control myself around you'

Note I didn't insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said 'fuck' out loud due to a job error.

title may sound funny to you, but I couldn't come with a better one.

I work in nursing, which is 95% female operated and at my unit they behave like the borg:

due to a sloppy wound job by another nurse I exclaimed 'fuck', which offended a female coworker.

First she told me I'm not allowed to use that word but then started to tell her friends with her phone. The next day I have several female coworkers aggressively confronting me about said word, yelling me not to use it, but they do it while I'm giving report. They don't listen to it, play with their phones and then explode yelling at me.

I yelled back 'let me work' 5 times, but they kept yelling about the word 'fuck'. At that point I simply read my report out loud and left the unit.

Notice that I did give report, so nobody can accuse me of patient abandonment.

It has never happened to me that so many women banded together to mob me, not at a workplace. I always expected people to be rational, to ask the accused part for his side of the story, but these women chose to believe their friend, another woman, and won't even ask me why and under what circumstances I used the expletive.

They act like I told this colleague to fuck off instead of simply exclaiming fuck.

I'll contact the union with my side of the story.

My main question is: how do I react each time a female colleague accuses me of being dangerous and repeats what their friend said, not even asking for my side of the story?

I still don't know how saying, not even yelling 'fuck' due to a poor wound dressing can trigger so many women.

this is what scares me the most, because I need the money.

profane language is the word 'fuck'.

this is not yelling 'fuck' at the top of your lungs, but more like 'aah, fuck', meaning why do things have to be this complicated? or, why didn't coworker X did his job as he was supposed to? Why is this documentation not in order?

Have you ever been fired over this? reprimanded at work?

I use 'fuck' a lot, not to intimidate anyone, but each time something bothers me, I could as well use 'come on!!' but 'fuck' comes to me more naturally.

If I get a written warning, is this a reason good enough to start looking for employment elsewhere?

To those of you not in America. Is it different where you are?

This is going to be a long post involving old supervisor, new supervisor and manager.

I'm a nurse working in a hospital, cardiology.

I already know I'm not going to do this job for the rest of my life, it should be obvious why but if you don't know, it's a hard job and we get insulted, smacked, hit and spit. And no, this is not a calling, it's an effing job.

I'm looking for a way out, but I don't want to waste my bachelor. My hospital system is the best paying one in a 50 mile radius and I don't want to relocate. I'm union and applying for internal positions.

Four months ago I applied for several no bedside job positions in research. Most of this departments ignored me, only one wrote a rejection letter (at least I got something).

To increase my chances, the union advised me to add a performance review from my old supervisor, except that I never had one with him, so I asked this old supervisor to conduct one with me.

What I got was a bad review, but here's the catch: this review wasn't conducted with me present, I wasn't asked to meet with the old or the new supervisor, I was handed a 2 page document with several items graded A to F and most of them were Ds, but no explanation whatsoever, no examples of any kind, just Ds. This review was signed by old supervisor and somebody else I don’t recognize. Union told me this document is not enforceable, to ignore it and to never sign it.

There are union members and union members: we got the ones who get that a job is a job and we all have lives and others convinced you have to do free overtime, because otherwise you’re lazy and an unworthy nurse. It took me 8 weeks of asking till I found a competent one who belongs to the first group. This person is now advising me and is the one who's going to be present when a new performance review with me is conducted, so new supervisor and manager don't try something funny this time. I already sent the email to the union and management and I'm waiting for an answer to conduct the meeting.

One of the open positions in research I applied to was in cardiology, where I work. Neat! I thought: I know the field, I know the manager, I already work there, so I should be an obvious candidate. I sent the application, explaining that at the time I cannot show a performance review (this was before I got the bad review conducted without me).

I never got an answer. 4 months after the fact, the manager has completely ignored me, which means he doesn't want to offer me this job. Fine, but why didn’t he write an answer? Don’t I at least deserve that?

There are several things that are rubbing me the wrong way:

The day after I sent this application, new supervisor came to me exasperated and asked me point blank: do you want to work here? I was surprised and meekly replied: uuh.. yes. 'I can see that' replied she ironically. I didn’t know how to react to that, but she didn’t push it.

2 weeks after that, old supervisor came unannounced to my unit because she wanted to talk to me. I didn't think anything odd about it, but I wasn't ready for the list of accusations she had against me: I come in late (it's known why I do this and the union was informed months in advance), I sleep on the floor (during my pause, after I make sure patients are taken care of and somebody else covers for me) and that I don't look happy (wtf??). Why is this person trying to scare me?

At the end of this conversation she said: 'I know you better than you think'. How am I supposed to interpret that? To me it sounded like a menace, but I think she meant she knows I’m applying for non bedside jobs and that somebody showed her my application form and my CV, which to me means somebody disclosed personal information about me to somebody who shouldn’t have read it. It doesn’t sound that far fetched if you consider how my new supervisor reacted the day after I sent my application for research.

These 2 episodes make me think both supervisors and manager talked among themselves and decided I’m more useful to them working bedside than researching but at the same time decided not telling me about it. They’re friends and to me, they behave like a mafia.

From a manager’s point of view makes perfect sense: If I quit bedside, this is a position they have to fill, this is a new nurse they have to show how to work at the unit and I already now how the unit and adjacent units work, nobody want’s to do nursing (for obvious reasons) and the last 2 nurses they brought in quit after one day, not even knowing the basics of nursing.

I want to quit, even if I have to keep working bedside at another department, because I feel disrespected, not taken seriously and they believe if they don’t answer my questions I’ll eventually forget about it, won’t make waves and accept working bedside at their unit. I feel there are things they know they are not telling me, which to me equals lying and manipulating. They treat me like an idiot and it makes me so angry I want to confront them, when we conduct the performance review, but they’re banded together and they’ll never admit it. It hurts even more because I used to be very close and open with my old supervisor. Now I feel she is using it against me and each time she was friendly she was fishing for information.

So I don’t know what to do. I want to get even.

It gets more complicated: the unit where I work at has many informal perks: when our patients leave, we get to eat their food, patients tip us and with that money we buy food for every nurse. Technically it’s not allowed, but everybody at the unit does it, including new and old supervisor, there is always milk, juice and tea it feels like a free drinks buffet (it’s brought in for the patients but most of them don’t drink that much, so most of the times is the nurses that drink it, technically stealing, but as said, both supervisors and every nurse do it). Some days I don’t have to cook at home, because I already ate at work for free, saving a considerable amount of time and money. If I go to another unit, I won’t have these perks. Even if I get a research position, I won’t have these perks.

There is also the fear of not knowing how the new work is going to be, I could regret it.

I don’t know what to do.

last 2 times I flew I didn't check in online and when they printed my boarding pass at the airport they put me on the seats next to the wing exits. Does every airline do this?

I live on the 14th floor of a 30 story apartment building and so far, I've been bleeding my radiators myself.

This usually worked and after bleeding I had a fully functioning radiator, 100% filled with water.

However, last time I tried bleeding, it would only fill up to 25% of its volume, it's like there's no pressure in the circuit.

Am I doing something wrong?

I'm a nurse and oversaw a doctor checking his bank statements: his salary is a bit more than twice what I earn.

This is not a particularly productive doctor, if you listen to several doctors and nurses where I work at. Just today I overheard a group of 3 female doctors ranting about him and how all he does is sitting and playing with his phone, always redirecting us nurses to talk to the other doctors. I was surprised, because I never expected to find so much drama between doctors, them being much more educated than nurses and I never expected doctors, specially female doctors, to use that kind of language.

This lazy doctor earns more than double my salary. It's depressing.

But I also feel like a loser, because even those ranting doctors earn more than twice what I do... and they get to sit for longer than I do.

Regretting my life choices.

Maybe the sane choice here would be to study or to get a certification that means a higher salary?

is it poorer? richer? better? worse? Is European internet cheaper? are EU food prices outrageous? Is European healthcare better? Is Europe safer?

I'm a unionized nurse and basically I'm on an unenforceable PIP because management simply wrote what I, according to them, do wrong and gave me the filled form, but without conducting an interview with me, the union wasn't contacted and they even didn't ask me to sign it. Union already told me this is not enforceable.

There are union representatives and union representatives: the one who feels a job is a job told me to calm down and keep applying for jobs elsewhere if I so decide, not asking for a 2 month 'reprieve' to be better at a job most days I don't want to do anymore (working bedside with difficult patients).

The other union representative who still considers nursing a calling but works with compliant patients (pediatrics), told me the hospital can fire me if I don't ask for a meeting with management to ask how I can be better and that only after being better I should apply for jobs elsewhere (which I call BS).

I'm still undecided about how to play this, but I sure want to quit bedside. If playing theatrics and pretending I have an interest in becoming a person they consider a better nurse helps me quit this job, even if the PIP is unenforceable, I'm playing this game.

Except that my first impulse to the question if I like my job would be a 5 minute rant about non compliant patients, stupid family members working against you, people calling for you to refill their water when they can walk, being blamed for things I cannot control, bad ratios, having to get up at 04:00 to get to work, having to work nights, listening to my coworkers talk about their holidays in the middle of report, drama...

So, how do I become a better liar to the tune of: I want to keep working here, I like what I do, I like seeing patients leave healthy and independent to live their lives... until I find a job I like more?

I have a problem with establishing boundaries.

I'm a private person. That's very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I'm not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it's tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don't understand why I have to explain myself constantly.

This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don't believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.

I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn't want to cause a scene.

What could I do next time?