BountifulEggnog

joined 2 years ago
[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago (11 children)

more sad/suicide shittbh I don't even deserve girl clothes, just want a gun.

Sorry I'm so shitty chat, if I was better I'd keep these thoughts to myself. Just can't stop myself from spreading sadness I guess.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (24 children)

bottom dysphoria, sad, hornyI fucking hate masturbating. Fucking disgusting shit. The dysphoria, the sadness, the guilt, it all sucks. I never want to feel horny again. Why the hell does my brain do this shit to me.
spoiler suicide
bad
spoiler probably the worst I've posted, seriously Honestly how tf can I not want to destroy my brain for what it puts me through? Fucking sick part of my body. Everything else tries to do its job at least. Not my brain. Deeply unwell, makes me feel awful constantly. So many issues, many not fixable. Should be destroyed. It will not be satisfied in life. If I had a gun right now I'd shoot myself. This feeling has only gotten worse with time and I don't see a way out. I felt a lot of these things as a teen and I do not wish to go back. Why, with the promise of clothes and hrt being soon (tm), am I continuing to get worse? Conditions get better and I feel worse? Deeply unserious. These spirals are almost every day at this point, and the fantasies are getting more graphic, more intense, longer lasting, everything. I can't go back to how things used to be.

Dear god why do I not have a gun.

I know this is a very selfish thing to post, so I may as well tell you all that I'm physically safe right now. I don't know how reassuring that is given all of what I just said but whatever, its the best reassuring I can give you, dear reader. :::

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago

:desolate: it's got to be more then that

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

:owl-pissed: okay maybe that isn't too bad. I got in trouble semi often too, usually for asking too many questions.

😔 I only got around 30, I should try to learn more then beginners method.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago (3 children)

This has always sounded to me like something you'd say if you hadn't processed how fucked up it was yet.

Also Rubik's cube gang. Have a pb to brag about?

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I don't think it's a problem, it just hits me right sometimes but I don't like constantly swiping/thinking about the algorithm.

Talking with you all is much more satisfying :cat-trans:

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Titok is great, if I could commit to just doing that and stimming I'd be on it so much good lord. Other things keep me from it though.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago

:i-think-that: anyone sexually harassing a teen service worker should just be shot.

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Yea this and music is such a vibe right now :bridget-vibe:

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago

I've been doing this all day and my wrist actually hurts now, but I can't stop.

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