BountifulEggnog

spoiler

No, its really not great to look forward to.

spoiler unrelated trauma dumping before I go play stardew more, cw for "doomerism"/suicide ig. Very bad, don't usually post this shit. You don't have to read it. Its hopeless. I am never going to be happy. Why live if I can't be happy. I wish I had a gun. I have a shit ton of old meds but no way I could get enough down to even hospitalize me. idk. just fucking sad and hopeless right now. whatever, just how it is. Wish I could catch the bus. Can't though. I want to do like one last happy thing and then leave. why am i even posting this. no one can help. nice to feel heard at least.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. :::

hopefully not shitty

I know you wouldn't bully me. I thought you were thinking something like "oh you're not manish".

I'm not going to be able to sleep for a while, probably 2 hours. Maybe if I'm lucky a little less. Then I get to wake up to more bottom dysphoria. Yea, it is. Night time can be really alone too.

Yea. I wonder when I'll get a body I'm happy with. Hopefully its not an if. Feels like "if" right now.

Yea, I know what you think. Its fine, not your job to keep track of every sad, shitty post I make.

spoiler

I feel so unbelievably shitty now. Sad, dysphoria, envy, hopeless, part of me just wants to give up. Whatever. Not your fault or anything. Just part of how being trans is I guess.

Cis people need to shut about about trans stuff forever.

Thank you I need that.

spoiler

It really is. Its very upsetting. I feel very "manish". Egh.

Thank you, and that's interesting. Maybe I'll give that a shot sometime.

whining, bottom dysphoria stuff

Just crying about it. I've been trying to distract myself but T won't let me forget about it. Too fucking horny I guess. Every fucking day I wake up and it (derogatory) makes me feel awful. Cried about it this morning. Well at least as much as T even let's me cry. More like "eyes get wet for 30 seconds". Even as a type this out I have stopped crying, not because my sadness is over but I just can't, physically. I don't know what to do.

I know all the things, I know E will help, all that. It just hurts in this moment.

handkissing

dear god

Thank you

Morgan (I don't know any of them)