sad, fear
I feel very lost, directionless. Getting tossed around by the waves. I don't know what I want to/should do. I know I want to transition, and am very afraid of the potential social consequences. I don't fully know what my end game is with transition but I don't need to now. It is... Odd feeling like the only thing I "know" in life I don't really know fully.
There's a lot that I don't know, and have never known. It's very scary, and confusing. It's too much.
If I do this will one of you tell me what I need to do to fix myself?
Shaving is so helpful! Wonderful feeling.
That's a good idea, I've always felt like it's been a little scuffed when I do it myself.
Interesting, I wouldn't have thought about arms. My arms have very little extra on them.
Sounds good, that's the plan.
Chat, I need to trim my bangs, they reach down to my nose. On the upside, my hair is getting longer and I'm a fan.
self admin there
I thought she said here, meaning where she works or this mega. (eepy)
Yea I have no idea how I could do an injection in my butt.
Oh, you're supposed to have someone else do your injection? I didn't know that, the diabetics in my life do their own injections so I thought doing injections yourself was standard.
spoiler
:yea: I took a shortcut and started worrying about being too big long before cracking.
spoiler suicide
I can't stop thinking about (what feels like) my eventual suicide. What I'll do, how I'll feel, what I'll want done after. I have been trying to sleep but these thoughts force themselves onto me. These thoughts, fantasies, whatever have stayed very consistent for years. They disappear sometimes, but when they are present the ideas are always the same.bad thoughts/vibes
I am physically safe, and won't take steps towards getting means any time soon. I'm still trying to sleep. This is not a healthy mental state, people do not normally have these thoughts. I want it to stop, I want to stop needing an out so badly I'm willing to destroy myself.
I'm suffering. :::
Yea, I need to figure out how without making myself obvious.
If anyone has suggestions I'd love to hear them.
Maybe I will put all my thoughts together, one day.