BountifulEggnog
joined 2 years ago
I'm surprised dream demon was able to come back, looked like the vampires were pulling away last I saw the thread.
I can't imagine a dad not wanting skin to skin, things sound bleak for the straights.
weird dreams
In one of my dreams last night I became a mom and people immediately started giving me shit for wanting to sleep. Then the hospital flooded and I woke myself up.
In another dream my aunt was telling me I need to eat more because of hrt.
Vampire, although I'm sure poltergeists are not without merit.
There are a lot of potential upsides. A lot to think about. The idea of being supported like that makes me cry. Thank you.
Ooh I need to start using >:3
The idea of coming out is terrifying. My stomach is in knots every time I think about telling anyone outside of hexbear. I told one friend I was questioning a while back and it went well, so I'm not sure what my issue is. I'll try to break down my reasons.
spoiler
I worry they'll have bad ideas about trans people. There are lots of bad ideas out there, and it seems like a lot of people don't really care about having good opinions on things. So what might they think about trans people, and what will they think of me?
I worry they won't see me as who I am/want to be seen as. They (family and friends) have only known me as a guy. Will they even believe me? And if I'm just going to be seen as [dead name] pretending to be a girl or whatever... that's way worse.
Some of this might be autism, but I worry I don't know how to act right. I don't know how to be a woman, I don't know how to be trans, I don't understandddddd 
Status quo changes in general are really hard for me. Slightly off topic, but the church has traumatized me massively. I was taught horrible things and I have struggled ever since. Its still, years after leaving, hard for me to not want to continue traditions from the church. I hate it so much, but its still hard to let go of. And I guess its kinda the same thing here. I know it is bad for me, I know its wrong, I can look around and see the problems. The rot. spoiler dysphoria Every time I hear myself talk, who do I hear? [deadname]. Every time I look at myself, who do I see? [deadname]. How can I expect better from anyone else? :::
The zero calorie A&W root beer tastes really good imo, could be worth a try.
I sat at my desk three hours ago with the intention of figuring out how to describe to myself what I was feeling. I still can't. I know I dissociated kinda hard for a little bit. But everything else... I can't put words to it.
Hopefully my brain can finally turn off now, I'll see you all tomorrow.