Asklemmy

I got reverse onioned a little while ago. There was an article about a kids version of the AR-15 called the JR-15, and it was so ludicrous and I didn't know that website, I thought it was a satirical article for a while... Weeks later I mentioned it as a joke, but my brother said it was real and I checked and saw he was right.

About 20 years ago I was so outraged by Bonsai Kitten that I asked a friend's mom to help me write letters to ISPs and law enforcement to try to get it taken down.

It was a site with pictures of cats in glass jars, but it had very graphic details about how they supposedly kept cats alive in jars and grew them into weird shapes... I still think it's pretty tasteless, but it was clearly someone's idea of satire. It felt like a big deal back then, but these days it would be nothing more than a bad meme.

I am NOT joking. This is serious shit, I almost puked because my toots smell so bad. Listen, I'm not a psychopath. I just needed to use up some onions. In my defense, I had some steak with it too. Steak and onions, not a bad combo right? I flew too close to the sun. Too many onions.

I made the mistake of sitting on the couch and farting, now the place where I sat reeks to high hell. I'm surprised I didn't melt a hole through the fabric. I've been trying to fart outside on my balcony to keep from just blowing shit Febreeze in my flat. Now I'm sitting in my office chair and trying not to gag. I'm not squeamish, especially not with my own farts. This is different. Too many onions.

My whole apartment smells like a cross between an outhouse and a paper mill with a dash of rotten egg and diarrhea sprinkles. Why did I do this to myself?? I was a fool. Nay, I am a fool. I don't even want to think about the torrent of ass lava that I'll be subjected to tomorrow morning. I'm going to have animal control at my door thinking a family of possums died in the vents. How will I be able to tell my girlfriend that I can't come see her because I have putrid onion gas? This is a lamentable misstep on my part, I ate God's ass apple and now I'm paying the poo poo price. Too many onions.

UPDATE: As predicted, I did a world-ending dump that left my legs trembling and gave me what I can only describe as "the schwetts" (shit sweats). It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the malignant stench my shit left is clinging to the walls like cigar smoke, except the cigar is just a turd. I was naive enough to leave my hand towel in the bathroom while I did the dark deed and it will now need to be burned, it absorbed the ass fumes like a greedy little sponge. Evacuating this demon crap from my body tired me out to the point of needing a nap afterwards. I'll be getting in touch with a local priest in hopes of getting my shitter blessed. I looked into the eyes of god and found only poo. Hell is real and it can be purchased for about $1.25 per pound

Thirty years ago, I told a friend that Australians come from Australia, Romanians come from Romania, and Canadians come from Canadia. She called it Canadia for thirty years.

We’ve been together for ten years and she’s only just found out that it’s actually called Canada. Boy am I in trouble.

Someone on Bluesky claimed that the Tesla Cybertruck was emitting "human sewage" or "fishy glue" smells with a convincing edit of a Insider News article. Then they convinced me more by editing/making from fiction a Cybertruck owners discussion board to say someone was posting about their Cybertruck smelling like dog pussy. To be honest, when I saw that I should have known it was fake, but I can absolutely believe the Cybertruck smelling rancid from failing electronics.

I believed the fake article since I had a similar situation with a failing minifridge. There was a strong electronic smell coming from it and while it wasn't really "fishy glue" I knew something was failing and disposed of it immediately. I also remembered a YouTuber having issues with her home wiring emitting a fishy glue smell.

Do April Fools jokes count? I was bereft after reading an article 13+ years ago from a trustworthy gaming site that said Armor Games (a popular flash game dev at the time) was taking over all development for the Elder Scrolls games.

(In retrospect, maybe that wouldn't have been the worst thing after Skyrim came out)

I got pretty excited to see an advertisement for Hardee's mini biscuits and gravy. It was like tiny biscuits swimming in a bowl of gravy like cereal and it looked delicious . Then I realized it was April 1st.

I honestly thought that kangaroos were poisonous. That they had a kind of stinger on the elbow.

I even managed to convince a few people of it, including two Australians.

Then later I couldn't find it any more on Wikipedia. Apparently it was a prank edit years ago.

I shared Naomi Klein's support for the "No Label" party on Facebook many years ago. It was of course satire.

Since then I really look into the things people share before I share them myself. Even though I generally trust these people.

Is "ate the onion" a well known saying? I've never heard It before

April fools on /r/askhistorians

This happened in a biology class where we had groups of people trying to get the DNA out of fruits and vegetables, my group had chosen an onion, in an effort to try and be the cool kid I ate some of the onion, no one noticed.

I learned a few years ago that the Duke is, in fact, not frozen waiting to be resuscitated. Of course I only learned this after arguing with my prof in film class about it. Classic urban legend. Now I'm worried about any other hoaxes I might have absorbed in the pre-Internet years. At least I know that the Glomar Explorer was not looking for manganese nodules.

It took me way longer to realize an article about how Alaskan airlines was giving passengers a pass to bring your own pocket tools on one of their flights that it really should have. My only real excuse was that the site wasn't the onion.

I fell for an April Fools joke years ago saying that an upcoming character to be released in Smite was The Morrigan, then confidently posted about it on Reddit weeks later.

This was years before she actually was released, and long before development was started on her.

I was very excited for the release of Star Wars : The Force Awaken trailer. On that day, I knew the trailer was out, so I searched "force awaken trailer", on YouTube, watched it and shared it...

Annnnd it was a fake trailer.

I believed a headline that Ryan Reynolds threw on a Wrexham shirt and played half a game as a substitute.. it was April 1st.