this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
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Aliens want to communicate and they decide to use you and your personality as the base model for all humans. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

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[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 45 points 11 months ago (2 children)

UN: "Boy, they really like using Star Trek memes to convey their thoughts...."

[–] nxdefiant@startrek.website 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

All the Me clones: Sokath, his eyes opened.

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[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Turns out Star Trek was just a retelling of actual intergalactic life

Aliens: Who the hell told them all this stuff ... I don't look like that? ... My ass isn't that fat ... Is it?

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[–] harry_balzac@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago (6 children)

Well as someone with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, as well as being on the spectrum, initially we'd be kinda screwed. I have spent a lot of time in therapy and have done a lot to manage it all, as well as developing empathy for myself and others, so not so bad.

However, I choose to be a non-theistic Satanist and an anarchist, so a lot of other people are going to be fucked. Especially those that deserve no empathy due to their hoarding of resources and exploitation of people and the planet.

[–] 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago (6 children)

Could you elaborate on the Satanist part? It's the first time I encounter that specific term.

[–] takeda@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I met a member. And he explained to me that they are pretty much atheists but from the point of the law they enjoy religious protections.

Basically if you call yourself atheist, you won't get any religious protections, because you don't have any religion. Everyone knows that FSM is a joke, so that wouldn't fly either. So they created a religion. They chose Satan, to get expected reaction from devoted Christians, they don't believe in Satan though (unlike wackos from the Church of Satan). You can read their 7 tenets, which sound quite reasonable: https://thesatanictemple.com/blogs/the-satanic-temple-tenets/there-are-seven-fundamental-tenets

[–] MightyGalhupo@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (8 children)

This is actually really reasonable. What are the “religious protections” you speak of?

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[–] Funkytom467@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'll gladly take aliens trying to cure me of an ADHD and depression i don't have if they can also cure us of religions and capitalism.

More importantly you going to therapy and improving yourself the way you described it, that in itself is sincerely the best exemple we can show an alien, ever.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Intergalactic Therapy Industrial Complex rubbing their hands

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[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 5 points 11 months ago

Seems i am going to be just fine after all.

Seriously though how did you write something so personal and yet described my life so well.

Like the only difference is that you are a non theist satanist anarchist. While i am an agnostic spiritual anarchist having Jesus (but not god) as an example of a good.

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[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Well, there'll be a lot less billionaires pretty quickly, from there it's gonna be a lot of references to star trek, doctor who, dead philosophers and general southernisms.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

lol .... aliens arrive in 1960s era London police boxes to try to not alarm us as they make first contact

Aliens first message: ... I say my good man, it's quite a coincidence to find you in this part of the galaxy. I feel pecked by a hundred chickens, fuller than a tick on a big dog and fine as frog hair and not half as slick to greet you on this fair morning under god's blue sky.

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[–] Korne127@lemmy.world 22 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Human population is very empathetic, but very kinky.

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[–] Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 22 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Humanity is screwed.

They like being alone, don’t like loud noises, will find a reason to leave a situation with more than 3 people in a small area. They don’t have any sexual desire and will be most happy to go through life without ever having intercourse. Probably going to go extinct without outside intervention thanks to that, better intervene to preserve the species.

They want to hibernate when it’s cold outside. Cold = anything below 70f.

They’re herbivores though so at least they don’t destroy their planet by mass farming the cruelest and most inefficient food source possible. Silver lining?

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 4 points 11 months ago

Excellent source of creating a slave race? ... to build that interplanetary space gun to destroy XMH3003 and those stupid Morkahons

[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Humans only want to masturbate, sleep and play board games. Sounds great

[–] DredUnicorn@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago
[–] notannpc@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

At one point in my job I was effectively the translator between English speaking Indian software devs, and American project managers. If I can translate technical information into something understandable to a PM, and vague program specs into actionable technical requirements for the devs I think we’d actually be alright with the aliens.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 18 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

They're just gonna be commenting on Lemmy all day. Threat averted.

[–] DosDude@retrolemmy.com 4 points 11 months ago (3 children)
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[–] PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm literally autistic and I can barely even talk to people anymore, so I imagine it'll be a gigantic disaster.

[–] unreasonabro@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

right but they're psychic so you can actually communicate at a real rate instead of tripping over your meat trumpet like a fucking animal all the time

[–] PM_ME_VINTAGE_30S@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Oh okay, so all they're going to hear about humanity is all the weird math shit I've been watching YouTube lectures on lately 😆.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

what book is it where they communicate with aliens starting with first principals of mathematics? we might be ok.

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[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 17 points 11 months ago

I think it'd go great.

I feel like they'd be horrified, and conquer our planet and force us all into therapy, but think they'd see us as worth helping

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I'm autistic. So they'd be very confused with most people I think

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I, for one, would welcome our nuwu owoverlords.

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[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

There's a lot of autistic people in this thread

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 10 points 11 months ago

There's a lot of autistic people on lemmy I think

[–] BigMoe@lemmy.zip 15 points 11 months ago

“Why do these aliens keep making stupid, unfunny jokes”?

[–] bonezey@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Can't leave the flying saucer without having triple checked it's locked.

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[–] outer_spec@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 11 months ago

“Hmm, it looks like these humans really like ‘tentacle hentai’… we could use this to our advantage”

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Intergalactic diplomacy will play out in World of Warcraft.

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[–] MyFairJulia@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

Humanity shall receive the gift of estrogen!

[–] 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Well... it could be worse... you should all thank them they didn't pick my sister.

[–] matmarspace@programming.dev 7 points 11 months ago

I guess we're good. :)

[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Let’s just say the overpopulation issue will be thoroughly resolved

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[–] Bizarroland@kbin.social 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Not bad. Couple of you fucks would be ackacked into non-existence but 99.997% of you would be alright.

[–] Pyroglyph@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

You make it sound like you have a fervent hatred for ~250,000 people.

I'm intrigued...

[–] Voyajer@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Dude must have a grudge against Samoa or something. That or he wants to distribute some wealth and zap all the billionaires and anyone close to being one.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

That would be 99.999967%, not 99.997.

There about 8,019,876,189 people in the world, 2640 of whom are billionaires, or about 0.000033%

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World%27s_Billionaires

2023: In the 37th annual Forbes list of the world's billionaires, the list included 2,640 billionaires with a total net wealth of $12.2 trillion, down 28 members and $500 billion from 2022. Over half of the list is less wealthy compared to the previous year, including Elon Musk, who fell from No. 1 to No. 2.[2] The list also marks for the first time a French citizen was in the top position as well as a non-American for the first time since 2013 when the Mexican Carlos Slim Helu was the world's richest person. The list, like in 2022, counted 15 under 30 billionaires with the richest of them being Red Bull heir Mark Mateschitz with a net worth of $34.7 billion. The youngest of the lot were Clemente Del Vecchio, heir to the Luxottica fortune shared with his six siblings and stepmother, and Kim Jung-yang, whose fortune lies in Japanese-South Korean gaming giant Nexon, both under-20s.[10]

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[–] Adalast@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I am pedantic to a fault, capable of simultaneously being the most specific and most vague person you will ever speak with, and have the social skills of a carrot. I am also debilitatingly ADHD, reasonably autistic, and more intelligent than is able to produce an emotionally functional adult.

I will leave it up to you all on if you want me to be the model, but I'd be happy to if it were up to me.

[–] harmsy@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

In one sense? Very, very much. I hope y'all like tentacles. In another sense, the complete opposite of screwed. I hope y'all like free healthcare.

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[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I'll try my best.

[–] thezeesystem@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

As someone with d.i.d. it all comes down to which personality they take.

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

I'd say just barely north of average, but quickly declining.

[–] Elephant0991@lemmy.bleh.au 4 points 11 months ago

Screwed!

But this is not a very good/logical/reasonable alien to be in contact with. There are so many ...ists with can call this alien. Generalization with sample of one? Pfff... They won't even get here...

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