The Onion

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The Onion

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Cruelty-free Haunted House Only Features Ghosts Who Died of Natural Causes (www.thebeaverton.com)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by can@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] snowe@programming.dev 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

“It was scary to see writing appear out of thin air on the bathroom mirror at midnight, but then I realised it said ‘MONITOR YOUR CHOLESTEROL,’ and I honestly appreciated the reminder,” said one customer.

I’m dying

[–] grue@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm dying

Should've monitored your cholesterol better.

[–] Pons_Aelius@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

Sounds like you should have checked your Cholesterol sooner.

[–] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

When I die I'm just going to haunt a N64. Plug it in at your own peril and watch in horror as I select Oddjob with a golden gun.

[–] PM_ME_FEET_PICS@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

an N64

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

An En Sixty-four

[–] Tronn4@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Beaverton is not the onion

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 year ago

The sidebar lists multiple satire sources that aren't the Onion so I figured it would be fine.