Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
haskell: "you submitted your math work instead of an essay"
javascript: "this is awful, but at least i can read it anywhere i like"
lisp: "it is not grammatically correct to nest brackets so much"
lua: "your vocabulary is too limited and you have the writing skills of a child"
rust: "omg. your essay is fast, safe, and perfect in every way! A+"
css: "this is beautiful, but it doesnt say anything"
C#: did you just copy Java's essay and put your name on it?
COBOL: why it looks like it's from 16th century?
PHP: I did not ask for a spaghetti recipe
alternative Rust: it's great, but I asked for an essay, not "🔥 Blazingly fast rust-based EssayOS"
C# is Java in good
C# is Java except from Microsoft, which means it's designed and much more integrated with Windows. The official .net core even brings telemetry right out of the box. Using C# apps on Linux is a pain, which is very bad considering it's supposed to be like Java - compile once, run anywhere - except Java actually achieves it.
Also, Minecraft runs on Java. Therefore, C# is useless. Boom, destroyed /s
Untiy games are programmed in C#
So point for Java
True. F Unity, I prefer C/C++ with eg. Raylib. (Fr tho, I hate not having direct control over my whole code.)
Stardew Valley runs on C#.
ROASTED
Yes, I know. I'm a .NET dev myself, it's just a joke
Java developer here. Can confirm (from what I've read about C#, anyway).
Rust v3: "It's three hours and I'm still compiling dependencies"
EDIT: Also, "What does Option[Arc[Mutex[BTreeMap[String, Box[RefCell[Box[amp mut F>>>>>>> where F : Fn(T) -> U in your essay mean?" (srry, I didn't come up with a better obscure data type, it's probably gibberish)
EDIT2: Lemmy deletes 'less than' sign for some damn reason (time to build Lemmy at home?)
My friend partially explained how the build safety system worked for Rust and my first reaction was "holy shit the link stage must take a century".
"Yes."
worth
Found the Rust programmer
Ha, such a loser. Real programmers use C.ԥ[��\�q��r��8-߿�ʱT�xd]�UG���S;���v�o������ՠ��N�iYts~fv���@ֿ��Qj�\�Q��_"�$�:�
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Segmentation fault
(core dumped)
what! how did you know??!?
Rust may be good and all, but I doubt it's magically always write good A+ code, I'm sure some developers will slap all their code inside unsafe as a shortcut.
yeah i was mostly joking. rust will never catch up to javascripts beauty
Hey! Don't read my code!
(how else are you supposed to cast a lambda to a generic type parameter?)
rust: "You just translated someone else's essay"
javascript: "this is awful, but at least i can read it anywhere i like"
There are only 3 engines capable of interpreting most of it.
it can run on almost any browser, it can be bundled to run on desktop or mobile. i know wasm exists but javascript is still sadly an extremely versatile language, mostly due to its support on the web
Unity: handing me over the essay is going to cost you extra.
Typescript: is this a declaration of war?
GDScript: This is plagiarism. You can't just write "extends essay2d."
Brainfuck: it's technically an essay, but who in their right mind would write it using only the first eight letters of the alphabet?
++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++++.--..++++++.
Perl: this essay is just one long run on sentence.
He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt, it was really quite hypnotic.
With some very odd random punctuation. (I love Perl, but some of the built-in variables . . .)
Lol yes. Like... How is $_ intuitive?
HTML:
Blink. Blink. Blink. Blnk.
Blink engine
C++: The project is now led by university research comitee optimizing essays/second and consists 1k lines of template hieroglyphs.
LaTeX gang rise up
Old but gold!!!
If you're struggling to read Ruby, you probably aren't going to read any of the other languages on this list. That's the real humor! 😂
Unpopular opinion: Ruby is too widely used, because it's the least performant language.
Sometimes even for stuff, where performance matters (Asciidoctor).
Ruby's popularity in the early 10s thanks to Ruby on Rails feels like it happened by accident. The language is hard to read and low performance, but Rails is completely automagic. But this is also the worst thing about rails. You create your app fast, but then maintaining it is expensive because you can't onboard new developers easily. Even if they're familiar with rails' automagicisms, it will take them quite some time to parse what the hell the code is doing.
Meanwhile I seem to recall Ruby's creator finding the situation of his language being popular because he'd created it as an experiment and never thought it would be used in production grade environments
language is hard to read
for item in array do
puts item[:name]
end
Whew, iterating and working with data in Ruby is so hard. How does anyone read this stuff.
low performance
Ruby is a syntax-sugar-loaded C-wrapper, just like Python and countless other languages that don't compile straight to machine code. If anything other than C and Rust are slow to you, then sure, maybe Ruby isn't a good fit for your project (but Crystal might be).
create your app fast
Damn right, I'm two or three times as productive as I ever was in C#/Razor, Java/Spring or kludging through the countless JS boilerplate-heavy web frameworks.
but then maintaining it is expensive
As with any app that grows into something successful and widely used, technical complexity becomes exponential. I've found once web applications grow to a certain number of models and controllers, the relationships between them start to grow exponentially as well. This means one small change can ripple throughout your application and have unintended consequences where you least expect.
This is not even remotely a unique problem to Ruby. It's happened across every project I've seen that grows beyond 30 models and a couple of dozen controllers, regardless of language. This is why unit testing is so important.
But, specifically you mentioned you can't "onboard new developers easily". I don't see how. I've taken two CS grads straight out of college and had them adding features with tests within a couple of days on Ruby projects. Ruby was designed to be most friendly to humans, not the compiler. If Rails is what is tripping you up, imagine trying to learn a new web framework on top of an even more complicated language than Ruby. I just don't see this argument at all, from my experiences.
Ruby’s creator finding the situation of his language being popular because he’d created it as an experiment
Pretty sure most any language that was created by an individual and not by BigCorp™ is a feat in and of itself. This speaks more widely to a language's capabilities and value if it can reach popularity without corporate backing. This argument seems to imply that because of it's origin, it will always be some kind of experimental toy that was never intended for wide-use.
Meanwhile, Linus Torvalds:
I'm doing a (free) operating system (just a hobby, won't be big and professional like gnu) for 386(486) AT clones.
Things have to start somewhere, I guess?
I kindly ask you to be more constructive in your criticism of Ruby. It's a great, powerful language with a low barrier to entry. There's no reason to spread FUD about it.
for item in array do puts item[:name] end
What's with the weird syntax, isn't idiomatic ruby
array.each do |item|
puts item[:name]
end
(or the shorthand version)?
Was about to say as someone who's been using Ruby for over a decade, 8 of which professionally, I've never once come across a for loop. each on the other hand, all day every day.
Yeah I usually run my backend in Asciidoc too. The level of its performance might surprise you.
Rockstar: this would make one hell of a banger.
TS: "You can't just say 'any' and end the essay expecting I know what the fuck your talking about