thinking i might need to 
for a little while, all the news about trump is making me super anxious and im adjusting my anxiety meds rn lol
this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Hi Everyone! I'm planning on adding stuff here but first enjoy your new weekly mega <3
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name update (this body of text became way more than the name update)
So update from a few months ago (probably more than a few at this point) but I'm still in name purgatory. I have a name that I use now, and a name that I used before that one, both outside of the original deadname. However, I don't really like either of them, and any names I come up with myself can't seem to stick, don't feel like they fit 1/2 the time, or both. So, a solution: have other people come up with names for me! However, this doesn't always work, and more serves as a brainstorming process. My mom already did it, and a lot of the names, if not all of them after reading the books she got them from, didn't fit. My sister has now come up with a list and given it to me. It's a lot smaller, but she's also not at all afraid of showing her bias. There's one name in particular that she really likes for me, and she made that quite obvious. I think I'm going to sit down with her tomorrow and pick one of them to use, at least for a few months (and I'll probably pick another one as well, as a "middle" name but actually more of a second name). If it doesn't stick, rinse and repeat, but I hope something manages to stick eventually. I don't know why I really struggle to identify with names, and it's not exactly something new to transition either. Don't ask me to come up with usernames for myself, I really struggle to and it ends up being something basic (like Luna), or something basic (like AshenWolf), and I could not for the life of me pick something more fitting. It's either just a name that happens to be moon in spanish that ended up being a funny Fire Emblem reference, or AshenWolf, another Fire Emblem reference.
I ended up going on a bit of a tangent, and I'm going to keep going, but I think I have a lot of issues with a static identity. I feel like I'm always changing based on the situation, putting on different masks (not necessarily positive or negative) and becoming different people depending on who might handle the situation best. It's why I'm always changing my pronouns, profile picture, etc. I'm trying something new with using two accounts on here, one with she/her pronouns and one with she/they pronouns and switching based on how I feel or what persona I feel like posting with. I'm going to be honest, things like username, profile picture, even previous history, affect how I post. Luna is a certain persona, and AshenWolf is another, and it's quite weird how sending one thing from one account just feels wrong on the other. I guess that's another reason for changing profile pictures so much, maybe.
Regardless, and because I'm just going to ramble and repeat my points, I'm sure I'll find a name, or even a couple, that will stick. For now though, it feels like the usernames (Luna, AshenWolf + variations like Ash) stick better than names for me, but I also don't know if I could see myself using them as IRL names, and not just for opsec reasons. Okay I'm done now, hopefully you all don't think the accounts talking to you have been frauds, despite a lack of concrete identity and the persona talk I assure you that they're not and they're both genuine parts of me.
If you somehow made it to the end, thanks for reading this wacky vent of a wall of text.
I love my trans comrades 
Is it perhaps a little overly dramatic to be playing the ME2 finale music in my head just for getting dressed to go out to the mailbox? Probably, but fuck it, if it's what it takes to get me outside to pick up my pride pins and sapphic lit then it's what we're doing.
it's a femail box now
fuck yeah 
"Relationships with parents can be difficult, but mine aren't that bad, they tried to make me detransition and almost murdered me, but it could be worse "
this is like half of the trans people I know and it makes me concerned
I think I'm letting go of the idea that I'm going to have a good relationship with my parents someday. I've been starting to feel secure enough in other areas of my life that I think I can face that.
I had assumed I was going to see at least a flash of compassion this week, but it just hasn't been there. That really made me rethink the other assumptions I was making.
Bit Idea: Change your name in your school's system on the first day of class.
Ashen Override
(It's me, I'm the bit idea)
Just got my ears fixed, and I think it somehow made this album sound worse. The cymbals are so loud 
Edit: It could just be my autistic ears adjusting, to be fair. I have struggled picking up high frequencies for a while (again, this happens a lot, I have bad ears).
(Red Handed Denial's "Wanderer"), but it's actually all music anyway...
It would be really funny if Riley from Trashfuture did transition, after the constant harassment from Mattie and November.
Golden Claw retrieved for my beautiful love Camilla. Absolute zero curiosity as to what's further in this deep dark barrow. Turning around right now.
Fuck I can't return it without finishing the mission. Argh.
Trying just leaving the dragonstone on the draugr.
That did work so I should be able to ignore the main quest for a while.
Creating a Orc warrior girl. Mainly because I haven't played Orcs much in Skyrim and they have the best racial bonus for survival and combat. But also is going to be good for my Lesbian fantasy when she marries Camilla Valerius and they live in a cute little farm. Problem is I'm stuck at the stage where I look through the names of characters from all UESP games and make a lore appropriate name that suits them.
Okay we're Lashki the Kind. The Lore has a Maiden Lashki, a wood orc who intimidated her enemies by wearing a dress made from her victims' scalps. The Kind is a moniker an online orc has. I think it's ironic to have someone cutting people in half with 2 handed swords be called the Kind. But also she is going to be a sweetie, so it works.
a dress made from her victims' scalps
Is the dress completely chaotic or does it have some specific pattern of different hair colours and texture?
Not sure. That's not my Lashki, just an ingame Orc she's named for. But she'd like to imagine it as stylish.
Came out to another friend and had a great 2 hour conversation catching up. And this morning my partner sent me a very risque selfie and many positive affirmations. I wish for all of my trans comrades to experience this amount of love all the time 
weight loss
Kicking myself; I would have been at my goal by now if I didnβt completely plateau over the holidays 
the war on christmas is really a war for our freedom (from gaining weight due to treats)
the very same government that refuses to recognize me as a woman also recognises Denali as Mt. Cracker and just unilaterally named an entire sea after itself. These guys sound deeply confused
Future historians are going to fucking laugh themselves to death learning about all this shit (assuming humanity makes it past this inflection point and its consequences)
Cursed bit idea: βtrans broken arm syndromeβ but itβs where the republicans ban medical treatment for broken arms because some of the people utilizing it happen to be trans
might have been better off doing DIY when I broke my arm tbh 
CW: Transphobia, state oppression, passports
It's been confirmed (through leaked internal memo) that passport gender marker changes and "X" markers have been suspended: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jan/23/trump-rubio-x-gender-passport
In theory, this sort of administrative ruling is supposed to have a comment period, but obviously the administration will run rushod over those rules if not halted by the courts.
social security and passport websites had the gender change request pages removed too fast for this to not be the case i guess. browsing lib trans reddit seems like its case-by-case and office-by-office for ssn at the moment
So if I send in my passport for a gender marker change today it's not going to work?
It seems unclear, but most likely not unless there's successful litigation. There's a risk that it could get stuck/held while the rules are being finalized or litigation is occuring, so there's no telling when you'd get it back or what marker would be on it.
Hmm that's scary.
The Yuri artists are making now is wild. Just saw some Balatro Yuri and it was sick as hell
You have me curious now
There's more put there but I hit a upload limit
Northernlion would love this if he was a trans lesbian
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