1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you're interested.
But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What's the deal?
First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting "I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you'd be by now!"
That way they know you are NOT a threat
If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you
Ah yes, the pufferfish method.
Next! Wrist control!
Honestly? By being genuinely interested in a person and not faking anything.
Trying to look a certain way nearly always screams fake and uncanny, just show emotions the way you're used to!
Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?
As far as I know I'm not autistic, but hate eye contact and just kinda decided to not worry about it? Eye contact is cultural anyway, and in some countries it's unusual or rude so I guess I just decided it's not that important to me. That's one option!
But for practical advice on improving if that's what you want to strive for I find it's easier to practice with someone you're comfortable with. Looking between their eyes while talking casually. Not like staring, but reminding yourself to look up occasionally during conversation. And increasing the length of time you hold eye contact until it's uncomfortable and look away. It'll become more natural to you over time :)
There's also videos available on YouTube that are for practicing eye contact but I found them creepy. My mistake was probably smoking weed beforehand, so maybe don't do that!
Best of luck to you!
The image actually comes from an eye contact practise video
I don't know if it actually works or not. But I heard that looking between someone's eyes or slightly upon their forehead also helps.
You know what erases all of this? Just SAYING it. TELL people what you mean and skip all the games.
You won't get good answers on social cues from Lemmy. You might get good Linux tips though.
Fair enough, what Linux command do you use to make eye contact?
touch eyes
This is inappropriate on so many levels:
LinusSexTips
So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it's not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is "'How do I communicate more empathetically?"
There's another question; "How do I let someone know I'm interested?" This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.
TLDR: get to know them and tell them you're interested. If they say they're not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.
Yeah people like it when you take a genuine interest in them so asking about their hobbies and passions is also a good way to flirt. Basically you are trying to give the other person the sense that you are equal parts interested and impressed by them.
Edit: Been with my wife for 13 years now so this is probably bad advice for youngsters. These days they likely stare at their phones and send aubergine emojis to each other while sitting 2 feet away
I'm not yet 30 and I think it's good applicable advice. I think you can actually practice a lot of these skills by making friends. The difference between romantic and platonic isn't that big.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.
There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it's useless in a world of rational choice.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes
Like in between the eyes or in the middle of one eye? If it's one eye, do you pick one or do you switch? At which frequency?
Every 6.9 microseconds. Remember to very your pitch
Damn, I have to train.
Words? What is that. Where do I buy one?
In her book "How to talk to anyone" Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it's best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.
By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.
.... I have no idea what Lowndes's qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest.
Honestly, as a woman, if a man started doing this to me in a group I'd be freaked the fuck out
Yep. As if women would never perceive men as a threat based on the same signals men would use to perceive threat.
Men, logical and hunter warrior manly men. Women, attention seekers. Therefore, stare down pretty women to show manly manness.
Alpha bro evo psych is so wild.
Focussing.... Focussing....
Kinda sounds like it would be the same kind of thing that brought forth the whole "alpha male" thing.
From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she's still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she'll likely smile back.
If she's purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don't be a creep, carry on with your day 👌
No no no. If she's purposely avoiding eye contact you have to stare at her with wide open eyes and a big smile.
If she walks away follow her, if she starts running away from you, run after her. She's telling you to come over.
That's how you conquer a woman /s
There’s a very thin line between the longing look of admiration and the cold gaze of a serial killer.
bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Do I sound like a handsome alien, at least?
It's all vibes. There is no cheat code, you just have to grok social ques by spending lots of time with people. Put your 10000 hours in, its worth it people are fascinating.
What do you do with the vibrations? What frequency?
I’m told you are supposed to pick up the good ones.
The idea is that y'all both Exchange a glance long enough to both notice, short enough to not creep each other out. A subtle smile to seal the deal.
Then go say hi to confirm.
If you feel awkward at any point either you suck or the answer is no, that's where the real skills is at IMHO
The fact that your autocorrect is capitalizing Exchange makes me think you've had some bad times.
Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.
The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that's a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.
I'd say there isn't a "This exact amount" to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it's more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you're unfamiliar with and there's someone you trust, you can say directly that you're uncertain and ask something like "I'm not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?". If they are friendly with you, they'll also likely be comfortable with the small request.
Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn't mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can't tell that it's indirect eye contact and it's easier to let my body auto pilot focus
