this post was submitted on 25 Dec 2024
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
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RIP Sam :(
after many years of depression, I have just given up on dating, it's not fun, it's not rewarding (for me) and my hobbies keep me happy and fulfilled enough. If something wants to happen, I'm ready to welcome it, if not, who cares
I'm sorry to hear you've had difficulty finding someone. If your hobbies keep you happy and fulfilled, just make sure those hobbies don't keep you home alone. Go to gatherings of other hobby enthusiasts, good chance that there you'll find someone that is your perfect fit
If those hobbies keep them happy does it really matter?
My worry is that a person whose hobbies make them happy is missing out on actual happiness and mistakes distraction for happiness.
Human connection is extremely important. You could make due without it (probably not completely though) but theres an implication it would be better if one could be successfully social.
Oh that's fine, it's just that everyone wants human interaction, including op. You won't ever get any interaction if you never meet people
let's say it's more of keeping me distracted rather then happy
I'll never understand that reaction. I completely understand seeing that and wanting to kill yourself, but I never thought the happy couple should die.
I see those kinds of couples and my only thoughts are usually some form of "lucky lucky. I'm such a worthless piece of shit." Lol
Armchair psychology by your local dipshit:
Depression tends to be irrational, and thus thought processes around it tend to be irrational.
"if i can't have it, nobody should have it"
also applies to everyone who opposes progress because they had it hard in life
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ITT: People who apparently never had an intrusive thought getting awfully judgy about someone's immediate feelings.
Decency is to not act on negative emotions and impulses, not never having them.
On the other hand, the act of sharing this response without also sharing a method of resolution and/or a framing or context that makes it a passing feeling and not a "harsh reality about current society" or whatever your brain will try to attach to, just provides miserable people yet another rumination topic to get lost down.
For healthy adults, you learn how to manage or avoid rumination. For people without social experience, without a healthy level of emotional intelligence, and especially without good, involved parenting, a young mind can take a post like this and just get absolutely lost down the rabbit-hole of negative validation. Seeing someone in the community you connect with sharing a feeling that your already depressed brain can latch onto is a recipe for depressive contagions.
Get your teenagers off the internet people.
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Interesting how this short story includes height
Interesting how you chose to describe this story by its height
Dude, incels are obsessed with height
They are the only people that actually know their own height. Most people have a vague idea but they can't give you exact measurements because to be honest it's not important.
Im tall enough that I can reach the upper cupboards without a stool if I stand on my tippy toes. That's what's truly important.
The act of rumination on a depressive episode involves your brain trying to find something about you, something immutable and deeply connected with who you are as a person, and it takes that thing and amplifies it through a wickedly destructive lens.
See, a lot of people don't know how their own brain works. They think they can think about something and their thoughts will reason out a solution, or that all their ideas are based on the brain's ability to connect logical elements.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Your brain is designed to write a story to explain how you feel. That's it. If you already feel bad, especially if you're not entirely sure why, your brain will scramble for a story, it will tie together every weird loose-end it can find, and assemble a batshit nonsense story for you, which you will believe wholeheartedly. You think your brain is you. You think your thoughts have to be true if they come from inside. Many people never consider that their own thinking is fundamentally wrong, and most of us are wrong about a number of things we feel wholly confident about.
Curbing depressive episodes and getting your life back involves learning to identify when you start ruminating and nipping it in the bud. For many insecure, lonely guys, memes/stories like this will be MAJOR trigger-points for rumination episodes, an act that becomes strangely addictive when you're suffering depression.
The difference between some sullen incel who hates life and hates you and hates women and hates themselves, but happens to be 5' 9", versus a really short dude who has a nice girlfriend and smiles a lot about their life and appreciates what he has, absolutely comes down to how their brains have learned to assemble stories for their world and how emotionally intelligent they are. Some dude is reading this post right now gnashing their teeth and formulating pushback and opposition because their brain is resisting this message because brains hate to be wrong. Even though they're very good at being wrong.
This is just... Wow, absolutely incredible explanation.
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> Sees happy people
> Immediate reaction is wanting to kill them
"Why am I always alone? :("
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4chan proving it's incel ground zero, those unfuckable virgins are a bane on society.
Maybe work on yourself and stop hating the world for your own problems.
My qualm with "working on yourself" advise is that it is too broad and non-specific, which I think makes a person even more confused. There are so many little details that a person may miss in relation to themselves. It requires a lot of introspection. But even then, even if the person does a lot of thinking, the conclusion may be wrong. For example, the guy does work out and believes he will attract girls; but if he doesn't realise he's got bad breath and got turned down for it, it could lead to the wrong conclusion for him that women in general are just mean, or whatever other wrong conclusion that the guy could draw from.
I've seen guys struggle with dating, even good looking ones, but most of the time it is because they struggle to figure out the finer details. However, the problem is that it is hard to broach the topic because it may offend the person. Each individuals are unique and as much as we are all unique in our own good way, it also applies that we are all uniquely flawed. We have to figure out the latter and rectify it without putting ourselves down. But even the process of rectifying one's own self can be challenging, because introspection could lead to unhealthy conclusions and behaviours if not done in healthy manner.
I don't know if it makes sense, but that's just my two cents based from my personal experience and what I observed about others. I think many men are struggling because they don't get specific enough advise. There is no "one size fits all" advise for men in dating and relationships (if there is, unfortunately the broad "one size fits all advise" are easily used for exploitation by those who could influence, as we saw with Andrew Tate and others). But as I mentioned, providing specific advise to individuals is a hard thing to broach.
A person who has bad breath for a long time, and doesn’t realize it, is correct to assume that others are selfish.
He may not realize exactly what’s happening, but what’s happening is that hundreds of people are perceiving his problem clearly and choosing not to tell him because it would cause them a few seconds of discomfort to do so.
My mother pointed that typically only family members would be blunt about your flaws, and not necessarily from your friends. From my own experience, she is kinda right. The thing however is that in Western society, individualism is overly valued. People are expected to be on their own. Staying with parents is stigmatised. Or, friends and family move out so there is increasingly little socialisation and more isolation. You receive relatively fewer feedbacks as a result. And even if a flaw is pointed out in a polite and constructive manner, you don't know how the person will react and respond. The person may think others are selfish for not mentioning about the bad breath, but if that person lashes out or took it personally, that person is selfish for not taking a constructive feedback. Instead of having negative reaction, the person should say "okay, I will take care of myself next time."
Even if a flaw is pointed, there could be many other things. Like a machine, there are moving parts. Sure, you can improve your hygiene; but if you are too uptight, too shy, rude, your attempts at flirting comes off as too creepy etc, few or or all of those things will be a turn off for women. Never mind not owning a Porsche or being 5'5" in height, less shallow women like men who takes care of themselves, a gentleman, not too serious and confident. Mature women take personality more than physicality any day. I know short, less good looking guys date tall, model-looking women because they are confident and a gentleman.
Having a bad breath is an example I could think off the top of my head when I typed my initial comment, but there are other examples I could have pointed out. Although, those other examples would be too uncomfortable to mention to the person, like having neurodivergence not being alleviated, or "too feminine" (I am for delineating traditional gender roles but there are still some foundations which I believe would be required to qualify for the expected image of heterosexual man and woman). They are two examples I have seen of my friends (they got partners now but struggled with dating before), and good luck telling them that why they struggled.
Yep. "Work on yourself" sounds right but where's the rest? Nobody has an answer except the far right who use that as an opening to groom them into the incel politics/culture war army. Usually the answer from everyone else is "figure it out yourself". Because you're supposed to be a big man. And men just figure shit out.
That's a traditionalism that is still being upheld. Especially by left leaning. It's not very progressive to uphold traditional gender stereotypes is it. These are guys that need help. And you tell them "work on yourself" in other words just figure it out bro. Oh, they figure alright. Figure right into the very thing you all hate so much.
As you said these topics are hard to broach. Why then does "clean your room" and "take a shower" come so easily from a certain type of person.
If the left wants to help men grow I’m all for that. Until then, I’ll enjoy my right wing friends who give a fuck about me, value growth, and encourage me to take on responsibility.
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I always took "work on yourself" to mean "go to therapy". That's always a good start.
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Someone needs to come up with a solution, preferably final, for the incel problem... Not everyone gets to make children. Not everyone should get to make children - these fucking weirdos are clearly the "bachelor pride" rejects of humanity.
So … incels shouldn’t be allowed to have children …
If only there was some mechanism of enforcing that.
Disclaimer: I was never an Incel. I held no ill will against women, I always had many female friends. I'm politically active and call myself a feminist. Still, I didn't ever have a romantic partnership and I suffered from it.
I am 29 years old. This year I started treating my chronic depression I never admitted I had and oh wonder I found a wonderful partner in a matter of months. Incel ideology is so fucked up. These guys seriously need help and support structures but they reject all that and hate half of humanity instead.
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I know relationships are larger than small moments shared at gas stations. I had thousands of tiny, beautiful moments in and around gas stations, still divorced.
Life is a fluid, evolving thing. Who you will be ten years from now is not who you are now, but it's also not something you have to deal with at the moment.
One day, that couple may throw dinner plates at each other. Would that improve his perspective?
So, enjoy it while it's there. Good for them. Those little moments are what life is about, if fleeting, but that just makes them all the sweeter.
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