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By Darwin, so much this. If somebody could actually convey the insane amount of work and responsibility that is heaped upon your shoulders when you start having children and running a home, you’d never grow up.
Whatever load you think you’re carrying as a teen - it’s not as much as you think.
When you learn minimalists weren't actually about the looks but about keeping stupid adult responsibilities on the low.
And where's the list? Like if I could just find a list of like, "Congratulations on being a homeowner, do all this shit because if you don't the repairs will eat you alive" it would be handy.
Just follow Martha Stewart's website, you'll find there are several thousand hours worth of chores you should be doing weekly!
It took us years to compile the list and it’s paid for itself many times over.
But to jump start the list in a future place, especially a traditional house, I’ve considered hiring a housing inspector or general contractor to give us a walkthrough of key maintenance timelines. Many things could be decades away but easy to forget until it’s a much bigger job. Notes from that interaction would essentially be the bones of “the list.”
This is where lasting relationships and divorce enter the building. Can you, will you deal with the coffee pot? Or do you pray, with every task, that they take care of it first? Is your other half taking care of it while you feel relief, far too often? Are you sick of taking care of it while your other half is checks other room watching YouTube and scrolling Lemmy?
Is it balanced? Or is it a question of how long until imbalance breaks things?
Adulting is tiring. Adulting is also a key to relationship maintenance.
We take the opposite approach: never assume your spouse is going to deal with it; see a problem, deal with it yourself.
Our marriage is still a mess, but it's a mess that's not breaking up any time soon. Mostly we both need to stop drinking.
That tactic tends to breed resentment (from both sides) when one person starts to get better at noticing problems. You might get lucky and stay balanced, but you'll probably have to actually talk about that some day.
Holy shit, that hits close to home.
For me it's Checks room and partner is stuck on Instagram/Facebook/Tiktok.
Or partner takes 45m to do a 5min task because they take 10m standing breaks every minute to doomscroll.
Then complain that they don't have any time to do their normal shared workload. Or play with the kid with me, or walk the dogs....etc
Fuck, I gotta descale my espresso machine too. Thanks for the reminder
Screw that, I'll descale it when it refuses to work due to he built in descale timer! Not anytime before!
See all the maintenance and tracking of physical portions of my adult life are fine. I have plenty of space to remember what devices need what servicing or care, to pay attention to changes in performance or observe wear.
But the cultural and societal stuff is like voodoo magic to me. Surplus cash in escrow, down deposits, and HELOCs, heck even cultural gossip as a standard of conversation. Nah doesn't do anything for me.
Ask me to manage my physical existence and I can do so indefinitely without complaints. It's the imaginary adult stuff that is beyond me.
I can live with all the petty little details of day to day life. Even the medical ones as you age.
Pro Tip: when you hit 50, you really need to start looking for that doctor you intend to die on. That doctor will have all those little details documented saving you a whole bunch of time.
The one thing I absolutely hate as someone who has been faking the whole adult thing for decades now, is having to figure out what's for supper every damn day.......
The saddest I’ve seen is a 70 yr old “from a different era” who had to now learn how to make macaroni with cheese for the first time in his life because his partner passed away.
That’s where I think shit has gone really wrong for way too long when trying to adult. Like prepare that you may have to live alone for at least a portion of your life and be the type of person you can stand to be around alone.
As a person is less than a handful of years away from being 70 myself, that person's problem wasn't in "being from a different era." But rather deciding, whether conscious or not, to be passive in life and refusing to learn new things. A a vast number of all of you out there suffer from the same problem. Like expecting someone else to make the macaroni and cheese for you rather than learning how to do it yourself. Many people expect someone else to solve all their problems for them. And then are shocked and surprised when that doesn't happen as they get older. I learned from my elders on how to solve my own problems. Sometimes by teaching, sometimes by letting me fail and then learning from fixing the problem I had created for myself.
They taught me everything from how to forage the forest, hunt, fish, raise livestock and butcher it, grow a garden, make soap from scratch, repair large and complex machines and many other skills that few can do these days. Most important of all, they taught me that learning never ends. And the day it does, you are dead.
Being alone with myself is dangerous for me because I prefer being alone these days. After a lifetime of being the cavalry coming over the hill to save the day, I'm burnt out and tired of it. I just want to spend my remaining time alone to heal from all the stupid I had to try and fix.
I understand what you are saying and sorry if I made it seem ‘different era ‘ was the excuse I was giving it. It is a common excuse the passives give about their inability to come to their own rescue or take any initiative when it comes to themselves. It doesn’t help that others who are younger also promote the excuse that it’s ’the era they are from’
It's OK, I know I also sounded cranky in my reply. I just wanted to warn people who might read my words to understand the importance of learning. As I said, the learning never stops. Because when it does stop, you are dead.
So learn new things as often as possible. Keep your mind sharp and make it sharper as your body ages and starts to fail.
Slowly increasing responsibilities?
Wow imagine having the privilege of a childhood
I completely agree. If you make thoughtful decisions and stay dedicated, you can reach a point in life where you can start to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor. My plan, for example, is to reduce to a four-day workweek once my house is paid off, so I can spend more quality time with the people I care about most. Life requires both hard work and a bit of luck to truly succeed, but with persistence and determination, it’s possible to shape the life you want.
Clean your dishwasher filter.
You're not my mom, you can't tell me what to do.
Well I am a mom, so I've learned it's a lot less disgusting if you do it every month, but you don't have to listen to me.
Editing to add: if any of the rest of you are also women, it's a good idea to pick a day for the recurring calendar reminder that doesn't align with the part of your monthly cycle when you're already miserable and grossed out by the whole world, you'll be crying into the kitchen sink. If it happens, because cycles are irregular, reschedule for one week ahead, when it won't bother you at all. I guess the same goes for guys except the wild swings of your emotional cycles are less predictable.
Holy shit, if anyone ever does figure out how to predict my emotional cycles I want to hear about it.
I do descale my coffee machine regularly... But lately I've just been looking at the blinking orange light and developing mind blindness to it day by day...
I am still struggling with laundry, fr
Pro-tip - newer HE detergents are very concentrated. Use less than you think you need. A half cap is for highly stained items, we're talking grass stains, blood, turmeric, etc. You only need a little for most loads. Maybe a quarter cap or less, or a quarter cup if using real measurements.
Also, if you're using a newer HE washer, also be sure to enable the "extra rinse" on the cycle. They really, really suck at rinsing off detergent by default (especially if you use too much) and will bleach/fade your clothes in the dryer if not fully rinsed.
Being a functional adult is essentially self parenting. It’s cheaper to clean and maintain than to constantly buy new or neglect issues until they snowball. Easier said than done, it’s definitely not always easy but worth the time.
While I completely agree, maintaining your items will make them last much longer, I feel the degradation of quality over the years works so much against us. Many items are made these days to not be able to be fixed. Sometimes a digital display or button breaking can brick a well taken care of item. No matter how well you take care of clothes and furniture like your grandparents did, that particle board will fail and that fast fashion shirt will pill. Even high end brands have gone down in quality significantly, so investing more in something you think you trust can still be frustrating. It's so much energy to figure out what you should invest in vs buy cheaper.
You'll love thinking back to the coffee machine as a problem when you have to handle your parents estate. I won't sugar coat it: Adulting is hard.
My choice to go with instant coffee is paying dividends!
Instant coffee is actually really good once you figure out that the directions lie to you and you have to rehydrate it first.
There are also some really good roasters making their own instant.
I don't use the aeropress at work anymore. It's still better than instant, but not having to worry about getting interrupted mid brew is worth the small loss in taste.
Do you have any recommendations for instant coffee available for purchase online? We've just been getting whatever is cheap but I'd be interested in exploring other options.
Swift has been my go to.
I've also enjoyed Luminous, but they're a little pricier and they're more into atypical washes/processing techniques. If you're after a more fruit/floral component to your instant this is where I'd look.
But my body is 60% water!
I'm so sorry but that condition is terminal.
Please explain, I wish to yield a better return on investment of my time and effort when dealing with coffee
Yeah so the directions for every instant coffee I've tried say to add hot water to the coffee, which is logical but tastes like ass.
If you instead add just a little bit of cold milk first to rehydrate the crystals (or whatever they are) and then add your hot water, you get a respectable if not outright good cup of coffee.
You could probably do it with cold water instead of milk if you prefer black coffee but I haven't tried that.
Instant coffee with a fancy creamer is underrated