You absolute winner
You absolute king
You absolute beast
Im bad at this
this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2024
721 points (97.4% liked)
Microblog Memes
5878 readers
4398 users here now
A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.
Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.
Rules:
- Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
- Be nice.
- No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
- Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.
Related communities:
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
No you're not you absolute gummy bear
You guys are absolute stars!
Absolute winner and absolute beast are common compliments in my social group.
load more comments
(2 replies)
You absolute textbook.
Yeah, you.
How dare you say that? you absolute toothpaste
I think his name is based on "Harvey Dent", and not "dentistry" you absolute dolphin
Thank... You...?
"You [...]" makes pretty much anything an insult.
A positive word implies sarcasm. "You genius". "You hero".
A random noun drags out the negative aspect of the noun or implies lack of a brain. "You french fry". "You paper bag".
Adding a random adjective just strengthens the statement. "You british bathroom sink". "You beautiful parking lot".
Of couse it depends on delivery, and using random words makes some strange insults, but I rarely see "you [...]" turn into a positive compliment.
You Beautiful parking lot
This sounds like something Leslie Knope would call Ann Perkins.
I'll take "beautiful parking lot" as a compliment and there is nothing you can do about it
“You genius” sounds like a compliment to me. A “funny” compliment. Would it be taken as sarcasm in the US? It really depends the tone I guess but in Australian english I wouldnt interpret it as sarcasm.
Context and tone matters.
"Hey, I figured out a way to cut our EC2 needs and scaled down, saving us a ton of money." "You genius!"
vs.
"Ummm.... I accidentally left half a dozen m8g.16xlarge nodes running... for the last four months." "You... fucking genius."
load more comments
(3 replies)
I think that changing it to something gramatically correct would make it into a compliment. "You are a genius" would make it positively charged. However, I would expect "you genius" to be something that, for instance, someone would exclaim when someone cuts their hand when trying to open an avocado. Meanwhile I think it would be strange to exclaim "you genius" when someone solves a partial differential equation. But it probably does rely on the tone.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
You absolute sith.
Explain this then.
Weird how one of the strongest Jedi in history "just didn't notice a Sith Lord corrupting the whole fuckin Galactic Senate"
"He trained Like though?"
Yeah, just like Palpatine wanted, so he could get a newer, younger model.
Well the prequels were supposed to be more of a condemnation of the original Jedi order. The Jedi were supposed to be these hypocritical religious zealots and Anakin was supposed to be drawn to the darkside because of that hypocrisy. It's why he was "too old" to train because they wanted tiny minds to indoctrinate.
All of this culminates into that penultimate line by Obi-Wan. It's illustrating that hypocrisy.
However Lucas has the directing chops and subtlety of cocaine bear and this all went flat. You see this more watching deleted scenes and reading some of the side content.
Only a Sith deals in absolutes
Get out of here, you absolute integer.
What a non-negative thing to say.
It's only natural to say it
Hey, get real
You absolute genius
task failed successfully, you absolute unit.
You absolute strawberry plant
You absolute fishtank
You absolute houseplant
Yeah, this checks out
Close!
This has been a Brit thing for a decade or so, particularly Scots and Northern English. The idea is to use a noun that could already be a slightly insulting word to start with, like 'potato' in the example
You absolute donkey
You absolute cabbage
You absolute bin-bag
You absolute Belgian
Etc etc
On a similar note, with an "absolutely" and a word ending in "ed", you get words which mean "very inebriated/stoned"
Common
- absolutely battered
- absolutely blathered
- absolutely pissed
- absolutely wankered
- absolutely trolleyed
- absolutely shitfaced
- absolutely twatted
Less common
- absolutely potatoed
- absolutely cultured
- absolutely traffic coned
- absolutely fishcaked
- absolutely Belgianed
- absolutely bin-bagged
- absolutely cabbaged
- absolutely Tobleroned
"absolutely" in this context can be replaced by "pure" if you're a weegie
load more comments
(2 replies)
Equally if you write the word "totally" in front of any noun it means drunk.
"I'm totally suitcased"
That's not a noun, is it.
Could be a system daemon process though.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Absolute unit.
Whoops, I broke it.
Almost any adjective works. It's the 'you' part that implies ire and intended denigration.
You incredible sock! You blind carrot! You empty bottle! You missing tooth! You complete thumb! You glazed pie! You stewed milk! You wet sandwich! You frosted toenail! You waxy discharge! You nauseous chifferobe!
Okay maybe not every one of them works but I think most of the time you can just put on a bad attitude and attach a adjective to an object to create some rare insults.
I think it works best with an adjective that has 3+ syllables. E.g. You incorrigible turnip You reprehensible teapot You abominable spoon You acephalous sandwich
You absolute value
You shouldn't have given me this new power you absolute pork tenderloin!
I love it! Lol
Foods definitely work best, you absolute Dorito.
Don't be so sure about that, you absolute budgerigar.
I've watched all of the Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares series and it's full of these, except it's usually fuckin' instead of absolute.
My favorite is when after having lunch he went back to the kitchen to find they were just microwaving everything. The exchange went something like this:
"Did I have anything for lunch that wasn't microwaved?"
"your salad"
"Of course you don't microwave a salad you fuckin' donut"
Edit
Found the clip at 1:15 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so5eX9q3k9A
It's a very British thing. Like adding "ed" to anything to mean very drunk. Hammered, trollied, steamed, cunted etc.
you absolut vodka
You absolute absolute
And add absolutely to the front of almost anything to describe how pissed you were. I was absolutely trousered/shedded/etc
You absolute noun
Too much absolutism in this thread.
Good, good.
This is absolute Reddit shit.
You absolute water bottle
view more: next ›