this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 189 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

"In approximately 2-3 weeks...you'll smell like nothing"

My guy that is your entire olfactory nerve being burned to a crisp

[–] Flax_vert 25 points 2 months ago (6 children)
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[–] intelisense@lemm.ee 173 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I worked with a guy who thought like this back in the 90s . He stank of Death.

[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 68 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Coincidentally, this is also what the French smelled like centuries ago.

[–] cmder@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

French nobles. They also used a lot of white powder to look like dracula

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[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I worked with a dude who used crystals instead of deodorant. He was a very talented musician so he was still always hanging with a beautiful woman. I loved his music but I couldn’t stand to be around him.

He had the personality of a dude who uses crystals for deo too.

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

So when you say "used crystals", what did he physically do with them to "use" them?

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

I always assumed he rubbed them on his pits. Now that you ask, maybe he carried them around or something.

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[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 81 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Spraying cologne on the armpits actually increases the intensity of body odor to an extreme. Do not do this

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don’t know why, but this reminded me of one of the absolute worst moments of my life.

I was bullied as a kid, and when middle school hit I wasn’t keen on dressing out for gym in front of those bullies. My gym teacher was probably the biggest dick on planet earth and every three days he’d suspend me for three days for not dressing out. I was suspended for most of 6th grade.

My mom had had enough and threatened me, “I swear to you, if you get suspended one more time over a zero in gym class I will throw your Nintendo 64 in the creek. I mean it!”

Guess what my dumb ass did? I left my gym clothes at home. I was fucking desperate and I went around begging everyone I knew, “can I please borrow your gym clothes?” I finally managed to trade a copy of Donkey Kong Country and 10 dollars for a copy of Extreme G and as a bonus I could borrow dude’s gym clothes.

He handed them to me in a plastic grocery bag and I raced off to gym class. That big, tall, bald bastard of a gym teacher said, “I guess it’s time for your suspension, eh Grassman?” “No sir, I’m dressing out!”(He called me Grassman because I forgot my flag football things and used big giant blades of grass).

I ran back to the boys locker room and slid those clothes from the bag. Oh. My. God!

The smell of axe body spray, ass, and armpits hit me like a ton of bricks. I powered through it, put on the nasty ass shirt, and vomited in my mouth. I just couldn’t bring myself to put the shorts on. I was nearly in tears because I knew I was doomed. I put my clothes back on and I could still smell it on me. I walked out and tried to explain it to the asshole. Nope. Suspended.

I really did think my mom was going to throw my N64 in the creek. She didn’t, thank goodness. Instead she got really pissed and called the school. When I got back I was called to the office and the principal asked me to explain why I had been suspended so many times. He then called Mr. Bald asshole into the office and let him have it for suspending me so many times over not dressing out. “You are denying this young man an education entirely because of gym?” I’d love to have been a fly on the wall after he sent me to class.

I happily took my zeros after that and slept on the bleachers. 1st period was my nap period.

I will never forget that smell though. I can still smell it, seriously. It hit me so hard that 28 years later, I can still smell it. Gah.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh man thats rough, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Speaking of smells you can't forget though, I have my own experience. Sorta, for me it was also a taste.

When I was in highschool a buddy of mine and I broke into an abandoned pool house. It was winter and about 3 am, there was a deep fog thick enough that we couldn't see eachother 10 feet apart. The pool house was surrounded by a chain link fence that had an opaque blue fabric over it so you couldn't see inside and the gate was locked with a thick padlock. We came back with bolt cutters and cut our way in instead of jumping the fence because I guess we thought it'd be cooler? Idk. Anyway we got inside through a small slat window only about a foot in height and about 10 ft off the ground. We dicked around, exploded a toilet, broke a mirror, you know how it be. Anyway eventually we found a fire extinguisher and at this point I should make it clear that this was a poolhouse that closed down in my early childhood. It'd been shut for a long ass time. So this fire extinguisher was atleast ten years expired. So obviously we used the fire extinguisher. The powder that came out was yellow and filled the room. It smelt of sulphur, chlorine, and rot. It tasted like burnt rubber. I fled the room as quickly as a possibly could coughing and retching but I could not get that taste out of my mouth nor the smell out of my noise. It made my head hurt just from the sensory overload. It took about a week for me to stop smelling it.

Anyway we also put this lifeguard chair in a tree. The camera doesn't fully capture the fog though

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Man I miss being young. Even with the horrible taste of expired fire extinguisher I’d bet this is a favorite memory. :)

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Its certainly treasured, it was also only a week after meeting my SO (who I am still with 5 years later) and I was texting her the whole time. You'd probably still consider me young though :P

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Oh yeah, you had that pic just hanging around on your phone. I’m guessing 20s.

Dude, I know you’ve heard it a thousand times, but I was 22 yesterday, no shit.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 43 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Phrasing it like that is weird, but you don't actually need soap. It just makes the oils and grime come off easier, so without it you just need to scrub more diligently.

If you're cleaning yourself properly your skin is gonna be the same cleanliness afterwards either way. Cheap soap will dry your skin though, so use decent soap.

Cleaning regularly and effectively is the key, not the specifics. Soap just lowers the bar for effectiveness, and maybe adds "and also moisturize".

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There are different kinds of people with diffetent types of skin. Some people get so oily no amount of water and scrubbing can help. The residual oil is then great for cultivating bacteria and yeast, which are ok as natural skin microflora, but if there's too many of them, they cause medical problems.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Certainly. I'm not saying soap is bad by any means. It's a tool for bathing just like any other. Not using soap to wash your body doesn't imply unhygienic anymore than not using a scrub brush makes you unhygienic.

What matters is that you wash regularly, get rid of grime, dirt, excess oils and dead skin buildup.
There's many paths to hygiene. For most people, the one with soap is the easiest and the only downside is "now moisturize".

Persistent advertising from cleaning product companies since the 50s have heavily pushed a level of cleaning and perfuming well beyond what's actually necessary for hygiene.
My body wash company would like me to use a silver dollar sized portion. I get better results from a dime sized portion and a moderate firmness silicone brush.

[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago (4 children)

the question is: are they sick and thus the skin is out of whack, or are they sick because the skin is out of whack?

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[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

so thats why soap is one of the oldest chemical inventions : because you dont actually need it. pure luxury.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Did I say pure luxury, or did I say it makes it easier?

I did forget that something is obviously 100% vital and indispensable or entirely worthless and void of functionality.

Early soaps were used for the preparation of textiles rather than personal hygiene.
As early as we invented soap, we actually had the notion that festering in your own rancid body oils is bad far, far earlier. As such, we had ways of dealing with that well before we had soap and people didn't just immediately switch.

So go ahead and use soap. I certainly do. But if you're looking to have your mind blown, take a shower and just scrub your skin with a brush, loofah or the palm of your hand and be amazed when you still get clean. If you're really grimey, you can do what the Romans did and rub yourself with olive oil and scrape it off with a scraper before doing that.

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[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

You absolutely do need soap. It literally causes bacteria to disintegrate, something you can't do with water alone.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 months ago

The primary action that soap has for fighting bacteria is breaking down oils and making it easier for debris and bacteria to be removed. Less food for the bacteria, and faster removal.
Bacteria will be destroyed by this process, but that's coincidental to why soap works and provides benefit.
It's why we don't tell people to wash their hands by squirting soap on them, spreading it around and then rinsing it off. The critical step is the mechanical action that facilitates removal of debris with running water.

Yes, soap is necessary for hand washing because we need to maximize bacteria removal after defecation or before preparing foods or medical activities.

In the context of bathing however, you don't need to sterilize your torso. You will also be rinsing your body far longer than you're typically going to be washing your hands, which when combined with scrubbing results in a clean torso.

I'm not one of those people who's opposed to using soap or anything, but that's not the same as recognizing that it's possible to wash and be clean without it.

[–] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

thats worng, you describe disinfectants, soap breaks the fatty bonds that stick the bacteria to your skin. so, while you whash your hands, these alive bactera are whashed down the drain.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Soap does destroy some bacteria, and a not insignificant portion. By destroying those fatty bonds the cellular membranes of many bacteria are destroyed, and many viruses denatured and rendered inert.

The removal is the primary action though, you are correct. Not all bacteria are destroyed by soap, which is why the leather, scrub, and scrub while rinsing steps are important to hand washing, since that mechanical action is what removes everything.

https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/why-soap-works/

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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 39 points 2 months ago

It's scientifically proven in his dreams.

[–] NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 22 points 2 months ago

Scent maxxing, just like a cat does to a couch

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 48 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 month ago

It’s a metaphor for the diabolical nonsense people constantly post on 4chan. Anon is either deluded (less likely) or attempting to lure others into unhealthy lifestyle decisions for fun. The main character is a robot, a la r9k, and the only ones cheering are other odd misfits. The women are, on the other hand, human shaped, once again reinforcing the gulf in humanity between the members of the board and those outside of it. Much of 4chan is poopie rapie.

With that said, yes, absolutely, I agree

[–] Scribbd@feddit.nl 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It is 9 in the morning for me, but I already feel like I have seen enough internet for today.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Wow, I found this at 9 am for me too! I'm also going to reset my day.

it was 5am here after not being able to sleep since 2am. fml

[–] superkret@feddit.org 10 points 2 months ago
[–] Zementid@feddit.nl 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Well yes but eeew ....

You can use PH neutral soap. Showering with water only is not a good idea. Using high quality soap and shampoo is! (High quality shampoo won't foam when hair is dirty, pH neutral soap won't burn in pee hole)

Edit regarding topic: I tried the "only" water method because I found soap and shampoo to be too aggressive. The smell isn't the issue if you wash daily and change clothes daily (everything reeks in the evening) but the effort and the oilfactory social paranoia isn't worth it. => See solution above.

[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What's a good shampoo, also is there an alternative soap testing method?

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[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Parlezvouz fransick?

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