Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
โฌ ๏ธ Left ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ Be Crime Do Gay Webring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ Right โก๏ธ
SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Let's have another good week everyone 
HRT talk :D
I switched to sublingual a few weeks ago after doing oral for about a year and a half (after 2 years of sub-q Injections which I stopped after my bottom surgery since injecting myself was pretty anxiety inducing and I didn't need to suppress T production anymore); and WOW this feels so much better. I guess I didn't notice how much "less good" I felt on oral than injections since it was a slow change and it wasn't horrible or anything. My libido is back way up to where it was on injections (I had assumed that was just unrelated changes in libido, but apparently not), my skin feels extra soft, and most crazy of all, after almost 4 years of hrt, MY BOOBS ARE TENDER AGAIN!! Like I thought I was done and doomed to zero boob gang years ago, but apparently there is hope :D
just a bunch of freaking out
I wish I felt regular I wish I was feeling normal I wish I was emotionally regulated I wish I didn't get prescribed silly drugs that fuck up your brain for however many days, I fuckin said SSRIs and SNRIs were shit for that, is it too much to ask to want anxiety fucking sorted??? I have probably come as far as I can on willpower alone, truly Posting Through It all the time, but I just don't wanna have negative fuckin spiralling anxious neurotic worries or semi weekly total collapses that require me to not interact with anyone at all, for days, fuck.
intrusive thought
as a kid in primary school, we watched this PSA thing about electricity and the dangers of it. and this kid uses a knife to unjam the bread from the toaster and gets electrocuted. literally for like the past 15 years I cannot make toast without the intrusive thought of 'what if I just jammed this knife in the toaster tho?'. like, I'm not gonna do it, I don't want to get electrocuted that shit sucks. but that PSA really embeded the 'DO NOT DO THIS THING' into my head as a fucking cognito hazard
if i suddenly stop posting it's because i have died due to the HUMIDITY 
im too hwite and northern to survive in this 
trauma talk but jokey
me and my friend were talking about hot girls and they were teasing me about wanting get spanked when i brought up how i actually feel really traumatized about that because my parents did that to me as a kid so they switch and started teasing me about a hot girl doing something unrelated to my childhood trauma and went with multiplication tables, which somehow is a different childhood trauma of mine
Being trans is so unique, in so many good ways. I'm so glad I get to experience it. Some of the best feelings ever.
damn, already surpassed the news mega, and they had a 3hr head start. what a time to be alive.
cw: injection + allergy talk
so, a few weeks back, I had an awful allergic reaction to my estradiol injection โ got this huge, swollen area next to the injection site, it was big and red and itchy for over a week. the next two injections had a similar, but milder, reaction, that mostly went away (aside from what looks like mild bruising) in 5-7 days.
talked to my dr. about it last week, after it'd happened three times and I'd confirmed to myself that it wasn't some issue with my technique, and they gave me two options:
I tried option (2) last week, with the exception that my phone call to discuss options with my dr. was about an hour after I did my weekly injection, so I was only able to ice the injection site after but not before injecting. this + applying hydrocortisone cream that evening seems to have minimized, if not done away with, the allergic reaction, but I'm not convinced a topical steroid is the right long-term solution, so I'll probably be discussing maybe switching to IM injections with my dr. this week.
I'm really excited for my hair to keep growing out. It's a slow process, but it's getting there. Long hair is something I really look forward to, especially being able to braid it or put it into a ponytail. I would love to be able to keep it loose, but have a small pony. Then, take that pony, and hang it over one of my shoulders. Not keeping one side of my head hair short, but keeping it all to one side.
cw: regret, child experience, "bullying"
I have always wanted my hair longer, and I have tried to grow it out once before. I think many people just assumed I commit, and I was often remained of how bad it looked on me, how it looked like a mullet (derogatory), and how I should cut it. I am a people pleaser, so of course I eventually did. It took a very long time to try again, and since I am autistic, it also involved getting used to the physical feeling of hair again. It's something that was very overwhelming both times I have grown out my hair. I'm used to it now, but having to fight my neurodivergence and social expectations for who I was made it really difficult for me. It's why I feel proud of my hair, and I always will. I overcame the odds and I did what I wanted to do. It's why I feel so excited, because I didn't cut it again, and I won't. It's also why my anxiety gets really bad when I think about the possibility of losing it. Sorry for the info-dump, but if I'm going to be giddy about my hair I need to provide some context so I don't seem crazy.
Anyway, figured after typing all of that out I should provide an example of something I would do with my hair. Meet Leonie, one of my favorite Fire Emblem character designs, solely because of her hair. Disclaimer: Color is not a point of reference, orange would not look good on me.
Thank you for coming my TED Talk. Side note, a medication I was taking might have been worsening my depression. Of course my doc failed to tell me and I found out from a random pharmacist's assistant ๐ how fun.
why must my wife abandon me in the depths of night ๐
death (she's fine)
oh there's a 'dead body' that 'urgently needs to be taken to the morgue'. you think having an undertaker wife is gonna be all goth babe stuff, but then she has to run away to pick somebody else up at 10pm
Voice training got me in for my first appointment that week. I guess they had a cancellation. Second appointment is in the beginning of October. Voice training is going to be a long road.
Wish I had more positive stuff to share :(
declining mental health, self-harm, suicidal feelings, medical gatekeeping
I'm less isolated and lonely now that I'm back at my parents place, but overall my mental health is still getting worse. The cutting has increased, and I'm becoming suicidal. I've been hesitant to talk to a mental health professional about this, since I fear it will lead to gender affirming care being gatekept from me, but now I see that I'm going to be gatekept regardless, so fuck it.
I honestly don't know how it will help though, the root causes are not something that can just be fixed with therapy. Maybe they'll give me antidepressants and that will somehow magically give me the ability to get my shit together, idk...
stressing about pictures
we're doing a photo shoot at work, for the students and the faculty, but i work at the kitchen so i cant wear makeup and the awful work-clothes and im going to look awful 
Talking with someone about concerts and I realized I now regret not going to more stuff pre-covid. Now it's too risky and too expensive 
So she stayed quiet at work. She stayed quiet at group. It got obvious that this was a pattern everywhere in her life: she sat back, kept company with herself in her head, and didnโt really interact directly with anything. Well, except for the Internet, where you could just spew venom or, sometimes, whatever is the opposite of venom. Sugar? Antidote? Is anti-venom a thing? She could just unload to her computer, on a blog without her name attached to it, and then it was almost like a conversation. People would say things back, acknowledge that your experience was real. The Internet got her through way more than actual human interaction.
I'm being doxxed in Nevada 
talking about sex
I really try not to but this has been bothering me for a while. I don't know if this is because I'm on T and a trans woman, or if this is normal (especially for women?), but I feel like my sexuality is very "pushy" and I hate it. It pushes on me, and I worry that it would "make" me be pushy. The idea of acting pushy in that way disgusts me. It makes me hate myself/my sexuality and has for a long time (maybe forever?).
I don't know, its embarrassing to even say.
Finally been doing some world building again, it's been a while
This flag is for the country that my fursona lives in, which draws inspiration from early Soviet Union/early East Germany + the American Great Lakes region. The working name for it is North Brunswick but idk if I'll stick with that, idk how I feel it being named after a real world location
keep looking at my face in the mirror. my face is noticeably softer now but it still looks male so all I can do is shout at the estrogen "just what's your plan here, girl?" because it's cooking something but i still don't know what
I just took my girlnap, it had a lot of transness in it. Talking with you all, the minecraft server, myself as my real name and I was a girl (at least for some of it), and the mob in my front yard.
But what I remember most was getting girl shorts and panties. I didn't get to try them, but I was so close. I knew I was dreaming, but I tried to convince myself it was real and I was actually getting them.
I need girl clothes so bad I'm going to spend so much money on this stuff.
alcohol
does anyone else do this cool thing where you wake up early after you drink
tfw transitioning actually takes time and effort and it's not instantaneous and effortless
So my first estradiol vial is nearing on empty. Is there a point I should stop using it or do I keep going until I can't fill the needle at all any more?
Also, it's kinda insane that the entire vial is just 400 mg of actual estradiol, that's such a tiny amount of anything to have such a huge physical (and mental) impact on me.
bit idea: reading incredibly weird internet smut to to try to bridge the gap so you can be friends with the nerd girl
dysphoria
I was drawing my fursona and Iโm still working out her proportions and I accidentally made her have a way more feminine figure than normal. Seeing a disconnect between an anthropomorphic representation of myself and my actual body gave me a shit ton of jealousy and dysphoria and I had to stop drawing for the night. God why am I like this
I humbly ask the trans mega to contribute some posts to the c/libre comm. It can be about anything Linux or FOSS related (programming socks included!)
Our mascot is a trans femme fox counterpart to Tux so like you gotta post (but you don't have to it's okay)
more hormonal waffling, weight & body hair stuff
Waow the boobs grew like, a lil. Not much but that's fucking sick. I will observe them and see if I need new bralettes 
Also little by little I am growin body hair in spots. I might have more fluff above my lip idk. I know from my levels that this is not an HRT related malfunction but instead I am getting estrogen-typical body hair growth, which is pretty funny. Growing body hair is not a commonly seen part of HRT, but... Hairlessness is basically not a thing, even if you chug blockers early the estrogen will give you some, which is cool.
I hope more weight goes to my hips and thighs when I put it on. I like the tummy but also want my figure to be more bottom heavy, I guess. If I weren't sedentary by necessity I would do squats n stuff.
I had to stay late
Last night shift went off the rails, way too busy. The kids aren't even back in school yet, it should not be respiratory season
HAHAHA! YES! MY HAIR IS LONG ENOUGH TO FIT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN!
You can get electrified buttplugs????