this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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169
NYT: whispers but it could’ve been! (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by VILenin@hexbear.net to c/the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net
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In the worst-case scenarios that the Biden administration has quietly simulated over the past year or so, Russian hackers working on behalf of Vladimir V. Putin bring down hospital systems across the United States. In others, China’s military hackers trigger chaos, shutting down water systems and electric grids to distract Americans from an invasion of Taiwan.

Burgerlanders are so important that the seeseepee will make your toilet overflow to distract you from epic Slava Taiwani

Such a perfect encapsulation of liberal propaganda

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[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 73 points 3 months ago (1 children)

America: bombs hospitals and vital infrastructure like water treatment facilities in multiple global South countries

Also America: Wouldn't it be horrifying if a nation was to take down hospitals and vital infrastructure?

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 48 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I really think that's key. American's cannot imagine that everyone doesn't want to do to them what they mindlessly do to others. It's like that addage where a liar believes taht everyone else is a liar and a thief believes everyone else is a thief.

[–] Antiwork@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Same idea with Land Back. White purple who have no idea what that means except they're going to kill my family and send me to Europe

[–] emizeko@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago

Means of Production Back just doesn't roll off the tongue in the same way

[–] nothx@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

Same tenor as “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

[–] Stoatmilk@hexbear.net 48 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Russian hackers working on behalf of Vladimir V. Putin

When your mom calls you by your full name

[–] huf@hexbear.net 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)

adding that V. in his name gives me Barack HUSSEIN Obama vibes somehow...

[–] SacredExcrement@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That V could stand for anything

What if it stood for VOLDEMORT??

[–] huf@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago

or worse, Vissarionovich

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 42 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

We realize we're responsible for your recent bought of misery, but here's why you direct your anger towards our empire's enemies instead.

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 38 points 3 months ago

Our nefarious racialized enemies aren't attacking us. That's a problem, because we're not sure how to keep you hogs dumb and scared when they refuse to play along - The New York Times

[–] MelaniaTrump@hexbear.net 36 points 3 months ago

lemme guess NYT, to solve this we gotta buy more monopolistic security software that requires giving the American military industrial complex unfettered admin access to critical infrastructure systems

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Lmao I tuned into LTT's podcast and they were going on about how this situation is what it would be like if a foreign power "attacked" us.

[–] CyberSyndicalist@hexbear.net 36 points 3 months ago (1 children)

ah just like the early pandemic when there wasn't enough food or medical supplies we were told this is what it would be like if we had communism.

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 23 points 3 months ago

agony-deep I forgot about that.

[–] VILenin@hexbear.net 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Whenever I shit my pants my first thought is about how scary it is that China could’ve done that

It’s not racist at all that anytime anything bad happens I start frothing at the mouth about the chicoms

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Everytime I stub my toe: "IT WAS XI'S FAULT !"

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Linus is a genuinely disgusting shitbag of a human so I'm not surprised at all

[–] Hexamerous@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago

What's the scoop on Linus, what did he do?

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 30 points 3 months ago

bring down hospital systems across the United States

Oh no, this would disrupt the life of the few dozen usians who can pay for medical treatment

[–] emizeko@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago

distract Americans from an invasion of Taiwan.

you see, all those carriers and submarines and fighter planes won't work unless you're sitting at home rooting for them on TV

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 28 points 3 months ago

caught brain damage from that one

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago

The lead pipes in my city haven't been changed since the 40s. Much be the Chinese Communists behind it.

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 25 points 3 months ago

NYT exclusive reveals Xi's unconscionable cyberwarfare plans to bring the USA to its knees

spoilersit-back-and-enjoy

[–] TechnoUnionTypeBeat@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

distract Americans from an invasion of Taiwan

Americans are so fucking bloodthirsty and liberals so fucking obsessed about their small bean uwu island Taiwan that the entire US could literally be crumbling into an abyss piece by piece while every human vanishes into the voids left behind, and they would be glued to their television watching breathless 24/7 MSNBC coverage of the war interspersed with racist Jon Oliver segments, their lips dripping in saliva at the thought of seeing the Three Gorges Dam collapse and millions of civilians perish

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago

nevertheless,

[–] Tommasi@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The lesson is that everything bad that happens isn't China or Russia's fault.

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago

But here's where you're wrong, tankie :smuglord: it could be Russia or China's fault!

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

Is the lesson don't enrich a crooked ukkkraine fradulent company to a multi bilion dollar IPO position and install their kernel level malware on 1/4 of enterprise servers?

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

og-hex-bear / raiden-source Proof of attacks by the Russians? Chinese? La Li Lu Le Lo?

santos-paparazzi / made-it-the-fuck-up I made up an imaginary worst-case scenario!

[–] POKEMONGOTOTHEGULAG@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

The outage wasn't caused by Jews either