this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
791 points (97.6% liked)
Greentext
3994 readers
1646 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 11 months ago
MODERATORS
Thank you, was going to request this
Too many pixels, I can't read it.
I need it charred.
Done
Needs more compression!
Get stabbed
Bleed out in a literal gutter
$800 tho
Fun trick! Don't try in America!
If anything it would be easier in America.
Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they're running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.
But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.
Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.
Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it "in Texas, at night, and on your own property," but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.
Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It's the law.
Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?
Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
This anon is white
I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.
I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset
I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .
It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them
I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it
(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)
load more comments
(12 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.
I have questions
Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin
but then all the flavor is gone
I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude
I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"
load more comments
(1 replies)
It's to make sure the victim deserves it.
Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.
load more comments
(1 replies)
The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk
New side quest unlocked!
Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.
It's a bounty hunting quest, though.
"Then Jake Logan came to me with tears in his eyes, saying "Sir, may I suck your dick?"
Criminals can't call the cops...
view more: next ›