This was a team effort.
this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics
this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2024
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If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?
If you use hydrogen it sounds funny and makes a great show when lighting the fart.
You're looking at a billion view tiktok idea here! Also, huge missed opportunity by the Jackass crew.
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Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.
Brrrraaaappp
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You know magnesium can ignite with exposure to moisture yes?
I'll need to see a video of it igniting without an oxygen providing intermediary - haven't been able to find one.
So ok if you don't fart/queef?
What is the methane to oxygen ratio of a fart?
Varies relative to the cheese To taco ratio within the past 48h.
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make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
e: i misremembered, but you still don't want to be around tellurium:
Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath".[23][91] This is caused by the body converting tellurium from any oxidation state to dimethyl telluride, (CH3)2Te, a volatile compound with a pungent garlic-like smell. Volunteers given 15 mg of tellurium still had this characteristic smell on their breath eight months later. In laboratories, this odor makes it possible to discern which scientists are responsible for tellurium chemistry, and even which books they have handled in the past.[92]
selenium is a bit similar in this aspect
What the fuck
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it's also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
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I'd love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I'm curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they'd have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
That's great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that's in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I'm just not that dedicated (yet)
My first thought was "why is nitrogen dangerous?" but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn't expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it'd be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don't have. Mostly because liquids don't exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.
Going in deep, you say
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Here's some interesting ones that I don't think anyone's asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don't instantly disappear). You'd need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven't covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.
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I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this .. for .. science.
Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”
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It's not called ARSEnic for nothing
This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)
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Please make sure they're flared!
Instructions unclear. Magnesium is now burning my ass.
Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don't think your sphincter could hold it
If the dildo were chilled to -40°...
But then your body heat would slowly melt it and lube yourself with heavy poison
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Please always ensure whatever element you use has a stable base larger than the insertion point
Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:
(Human for scale)
So... you're saying it's okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??
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If it glows, it goes. (Up my ass)
Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it
Natural (unenriched) uranium isn't especially radioactive and while there is plenty of exciting chemistry that could happen, none of it would be quite as immediately exciting as what would happen if you tried to freeze oxygen solid enough to make a dildo
Uranium will give you heavy metal poisoning worse than lead, however
I'll add it to the potential update list. Lead used to be green and then somebody convinced me to make it yellow and yeah..
I'm learning more about the elements here in a meme comment thread than I think I did in school over a decade ago.
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Those lanthanides... are we not terming a lethal radiation dose as rectal damage?? Or are you assuming an ideal isotope?
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