this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2023
62 points (91.9% liked)

Ask Lemmy

26753 readers
1238 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
  • I live with my parents (both). I have job.

  • I did my share duty: I help pay family electricity/water bill, pay my brothers tution fee.

  • Currently, my salary is multiple time my living cost, so I can save more than half of my salary (no pay rent, no marry, no children)

  • My mum has a brotehr who is not financial stable. She help him (few time yearly, not one time, but yearly). She is very stress about this situation. => when she ask me and my dad to chip in, we both said nope, then ask her to give up on that money black hole. => really hurt our family relationship, because she refuse to do so.

  • That dude (my uncle) have family he has to support. If I chip in with my own salary, his children living standard will increase, they will have better future. It will cost me my spare salary (i will not able save like, 50% of my salary per month)

  • But I don't want to waste money. That money give away is like charity that I can never get back. I don't want to piggy back few dude on my back for years.

So, how do you think on this case.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] TheInsane42@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Short answer, no, you're not married to him.

Even when it would have been your brother, then still no, legally. Morally, maybe, when you know it will help him recover, not stay in trouble longer. (So I can understand your mother, a tad)

I'd try to talk to your parents about it, how can you help your uncle without dumping cash in a bottemless pit, as doing so did prove not to solve the issue. (Else your mother wouldn't have to bail him out on a yearly base)

When you all see no way out, you could try to at least help his kids, support them with stuff they need, help them develop, eat, repair or replace goods, but no cash. Big chance cash would end up at your uncle anyway.

It's tough, but you're only obliged to help your partner when married and your kids when under age, or do the best you can for direct family (parents, brother/sister or your own kids when legally independant), but within reasonable limits.

Help primarily your mother in this situation, she is your father's (primairy) and your (secondary) responsability, your uncle isn't.