this post was submitted on 13 May 2024
69 points (100.0% liked)

neurodiverse

1603 readers
48 users here now

What is Neurodivergence?

It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned


Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I know it’s a at best a useless mindset, as nothing will make me somehow magically get a new chance at those years. But it’s still a strong feeling and it’s still there.

I’m doing my best to push through it, I’m out there talking to people, but there’s usually a point where we are sharing personal anecdotes and I just feel my stomach tightening, as I barely have any of those. I have no experiences which means I have no identity which means I am uninteresting.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] vivamatapacos@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

There's several methods to handling this. First, you already have the insight and possess a level of introspection where you've reflected on this aspect of yourself enough to understand it is a flawed mindset. I would argue you didn't waste 10 years because it appears during that time you've developed a level of wisdom and maturity many people never do.

Second, in dealing with lack of experiences and struggling with identity, the best I can do is offer some advice that I hope you find helpful. Identity is a tricky thing because of how abstract it becomes the moment you really try to analyze the concept. For a long time I felt like a void of personality due to feeling no strong sense of identity to things that people I saw identified with. I wondered why they found meaning in these things while I couldn't. But I soon found its because their constructing an identity around employment, commodities, sports, etc., and that I was looking in the wrong places trying to answer "who am I?" I don't have a great answer to identity crisis though. Ultimately, try not to worry about "what's my identity/personality," let people piece it together themselves, either through conversation or by whatever symbols you may use to express yourself. Just let go of trying to define your own identity, let your understanding of yourself and your experiences define you. Which brings us to your reported lack of experiences.

Luckily, a couple things that can be done to help with that. The most immediate one, and it seems you are actively doing which is great, is to go make experiences. By meeting people, carving out opportunities, getting lucky, and so on. But "experiences" in terms of having a repertoire of personal anecdotes comes with time, and well, experience. You'll get there. No need to look backwards because these experiences are in your present and future.

The next thing you can do is a mix of changing mindset and finding the "experiences" you do have, or rather reframing your view of yourself and the last 10 years. Did you read? Did you learn? Did you cook something new? Did you go on a walk somewhere, take a hike, change a tire? Did you play video games, or watch TV? There's a plethora of things to draw from in any of those areas in terms of being able to converse and share experience. Like having an opinion about why you liked/didn't like something and talking about it. You can talk about any of it! Someone has a story and it reminds you of something from a book you read, talk about it.

Last thing, and I don't recommend this but you'll find a lot of people do this. Just lie. Half the stories you hear people telling about themselves, their "anecdotes", are bullshit. Its either highly exaggerated or they're just stealing a story they heard from someone else. Maybe they read it in a reddit comment. Some people will just collect 'bits' and then deploy them out in conversations, but its really just an act. So, you could also develop an 'act' of stories that you make yourself the main character of and use that to fill in the last 10 years. But I don't endorse this method for reasons I feel need no explanation.