this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2024
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[–] snooggums@midwest.social 17 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

My confidence in speaking publicly was entirely the result of fake it till you make it.

As a kid I was reserved and not outgoing. In 4H, one of the things the local group promoted was being able to give presentations about topics, and they gave a lot of help in how to do it and the one thing they always drove home was that while some people are naturally comfortable speaking in front of groups, most people are not and they gave some famous examples that I have since forgotten.

So we had to give presentations with posters to judges who then asked follow up questions, and the entire time we were reminded that acting confident is basically the same thing as being confident to those that are watching and eventually it will suddenly stick kind of like how riding a bike works. After a few years, I went from freezing up to being comfortable in a small group, and after keeping up with it through high school my actual confidence was there by the time adulthood kicked in. In my current job I am regularly volunteered to present because they all see me as good at it, which is true because I faked it until I made it.

Do note that this worked for me because the learning setting I was in was supportive and reinforced the need to just keep trying.

Relationships, sports, and a lot of other non-dangerous settings are also ripe for the idea that just pretending to be confident and comfortable to eventually become comfortable with the settings. It is important to keep in mind that constant learning while faking it is important to actually succeed. Even after a lot of success I am still not comfortable hosting complex social settings or figuring out what the hell is fashionable, so sometimes faking it has not resulted in making it. But at least an attempt was tried.

Things that are not good for fake it till you make it are working with heavy machinery, dangerous chemicals, or anything that has a significant risk of death.