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Because it's trash. It's sad. It's a slow, unreliable mishmash of suck that I loathe to work with.
Not needing an agent?!? You write "caching shit so we can run our remediation in under a century and one pass" funny. I build new machines in 3-4 minutes with a full remediation and like 300 data points to check with the good tools. But it takes tower 3-4 min to net started before actually doing anything, and then another few minutes for ~30 datapoints. I do NOT want to see it with an actual payload.
The only thing going for Ansible is the network effect of "everybody using it" and especially not learning well enough about anything else.