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The key to the gay allegory is to take a much less literal look at it. It's about representation of a person who is ostracised for reasons related to the broad category of "sex and gender expression". It is a metaphor, after all, so there's nothing wrong with being less literal about it.
Speaking of Riker, Jonathan Frakes wanted Soren to be played by a man, to make the message stronger to the contemporary audience. I think the studio chickened out?
Oh, regarding what the episode was supposed to be, IIRC, it was supposed to be a straight-up story about a gay male alien escaping an oppressive society that Riker hooks up with. Like, there wasn’t any metaphor or allegory beyond gay oppression in contemporaneous society, it was just that. And, of course, Rick Berman, an inveterate prick and widely-known homophobe absolutely shut that shit down. It got rewritten repeatedly into what it became, and, yes, Frakes still wanted Soren’s character to be played by a male, but Berman adamantly refused due to his own bigotries. Sure, Paramount may have gotten cold feet about it anyway, maybe not, but it never got that far.
Eventually, it got to the form we finally saw on screen, but, in retrospect, it’s a much stronger piece for it, and, at least in my eyes, the story is quite straightforward. It’s very plainly a trans character in an enby society which forbids gender expression of any kind, and that’s the source of the conflict. Additionally, there’s the allegorical references to the lgbtq+ community as a whole and otherism generally, but neither of those concepts are directly the subject.
Of course, people are going to read a lot more into it as they personally identify with it, and I’m not in any position to criticize or judge that. I’m just giving my own interpretation.