this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2024
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I deleted Bumble again last week. Don't think I'll try any of these things again. I should have listened to the people who told me it was a bad idea to make a dating profile. It was devastating to the confidence I'd built up before putting myself out there, and I still feel unlovable and socially undesirable despite people giving me compliments on my looks and my voice and my sense of humor all the time. It makes me cry every day.
As someone who experienced pre and post tinder style online dating the matching "algorithm" is intended to make you feel awful in order to drive you to pay stupid sums for their crappy subs, boosts or whatever crap they have now.
I can guarantee you are cool and good. The pre tinder era of online dating I met so many cool people and was chatting to multiple people a month and post the swipe nonsense it all dried up, years of nothing. The cool people i used to see vanished and I was instead matched with people I'd probably never talk to irl or what feel like bot accounts.
Try not to let these sites change how you see yourself. Easier said than done I know but they don't reflect who you are and never will.
I had a similar experience back when OkCupid was not the tinder model, chatted up quite a few people, it never really got too far because I just didn't pick up on anvil sized hints, but now with modern dating apps, I've basically accepted that I'll be alone because wading into them is just psychological torture.
don't buy into the idea that they're the only way to meet people and give up on love, my good sweet comrade. yes it's getting harder to find other avenues, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. and considering how many women seem to just opt out of the apps (what with the gender ratio being so skewed on the str8 side), i gotta think people are finding other ways to find love. (unless...more and more people are just giving up on love...
)
i hate to break it to you comrade, but as a zoomer, yeah. i went through 4 years of college and in that time i knew literally two (2) people who ever got into a relationship. now i'm graduated and i don't know a single person with a partner. the only person i know who has any romantic contact at all is a gay male friend who goes on grinder hook ups.
dating apps have always been too much hassle for me, but honestly i wouldn't have the slightest fucking clue where to even start with the idea of meeting girls irl.
that is fucking deeply upsetting to ur millennial (and semi-recently single) comrade but fuck, if thats how it be thats how it be. but jesus christ that fucking sucks this world just keeps getting worse.
It's been years since I used dating apps/websites and they were already aggressively depressing, I cannot imagine how awful they are now
My experience: got some matches, got one date that canceled on me and said she was going to try dating closer (fine, sad but at least she was polite enough to give me closure), zoom date with one girl that just sorta fizzled out, got talked up by another girl who was all "ooh it's your birthday next week let me put it in my calendar let's meet on monday" and then ghosted me, took a break for a minute after that, was chatting with another girl who suddenly ghosted me, got a date with another girl who stood me up the first time and then arranged to meet for drinks later on and ditched me after an hour and ghosted me after saying "I don't ghost people" to reassure me after she broke contact for a bit, got texted out of the blue by the previous girl who ghosted me saying she felt bad and wanted to try again, we chatted for like a day and she ghosted me again.
I don't really have any way to meet people. I have very few friends and zero romantic prospects. I'm so lonely I think about death on a regular basis, because I can't really stand this much longer. I'm so alone in every way that's important.
I'm sorry to hear that. I feel pretty similar to you, isolated because I'm not a particularly social person to begin with and once I started working remote I've just become a hermit, the social "muscle" has just gotten more and more atrophied. Sometimes it feels funny to be both a leftist and what I'm sure is an extremely typical example of an American "male" who never talks about his feelings and has no close emotional relationships.
same :(
This is a thing?
It's free and convenient and a good way to get a vibe check going on while maintaining total safety
tbh it was fine
im pretty much with you. if youve followed my posts at all, this past year i became single for basically the first time in my adult life. and while i went into the apps knowing its not really a meritocracy, i was still shocked at how awful and dehumanizing (and just plain bad at serving their intended function if you're straight masc) the apps are. i redownloaded them after a month off them, but really have just been seeing them as a game to play while i take a shit this time around and am expecting zero success. sucks though, because idk where else you can meet people nowadays - but at the same time the apps barely even seem to work, so it feels like somethings gotta give...
I’ve thought for the longest time that there needs to be a grassroots dating app or something
But we very quickly arise at the root of the problem which is capitalism 🥰
Fr!
what if we kissed while seizing the means of production
haha just kidding... unless
In the process of doing the same with the apps I have. Already getting notifications to get back on or else my profile will be hidden!
I used to be able to have a few conversations on dating apps/sites although they never amounted to much, but now its just boost this and upgrade that or bot accounts that drive up your likes to make you think that maybe there is still hope. In the end I've spent an obscene amount of money just to make myself feel like shit. I still second guess myself now even as I've been talking to someone at work who has shown an interest in me.
People were not meant to be rejected dozens of times per day. Fuck apps.
Luckily I have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and my feelings get hurt when my coworker returns my greetings in a colder tone than to her friend and getting rejected for friendship or a date feels like being stabbed in the heart, so it all works out