this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2023
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I have seen several therapists both individually and in a group setting, and the therapist's approach can range from "why don't you try to cater to everyone else's insecurities all of the time instead of standing up for yourself in a constructive way" to actual support that can lead to change. It isn't a perfect solution and can require trying more than one therapist to find one that actually listens and helps if you want to actually fix something instead of just someone to listen to you complain.
They were all ridiculously expensive and only one was actually helpful. Heck, the successful one ended with less frequent sessions and then ending with a plan to schedule if needed. I can see why someone who only had experience with the other approaches wouldn't want to waste money on not resolving anything.
In my limited experience the therapists who were men actually acknowledged issues and tried to resolve them, which makes a bit of sense as therapists come from the same society where women frequently want to just be heard and men want to do things because that is how they are raised.
Completely correct, and it seems that mentality is alive and well.
Bluntly, society seems to put the burden of being independent and successful squarely on the shoulders of men with little regard to their well-being. For most men, everything has a solution where you "just need to do x" and you'll "fix" the issue. This works for stuff like a job, where something that's a problem requires an active task to find and execute the solution. Soft skills not required.
Meanwhile, a lot of traditionally female held roles in society, usually in the form of care (mother/parent, nurse, customer service) are very soft-skill heavy. There may be no solution, and their job is to make everyone okay with the situation.... More mitigation, than fix. Just make the problem less bad.
Meanwhile, nobody bats an eye when a woman mentions that they see a therapist, but when a guy mentions it, he's seen as weak, that he doesn't have the solutions to the issues he faces, yet the men have never been given the tools to deal with situations that they cannot control. Either you fall in line with a "yes, sir!" Or you find a new solution to fix the problem. Just accept it and move on with life, or find a better way. There's no grey area, so many just go with "it is what it is" rather than actually trying.
With society getting to the point where many traditionally gendered roles are being assigned to anyone (which, don't get me wrong, this is progress), the thinking needs to change.