this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2023
961 points (91.2% liked)
Gaming
2350 readers
579 users here now
The Lemmy.zip Gaming Community
For news, discussions and memes!
Community Rules
This community follows the Lemmy.zip Instance rules, with the inclusion of the following rule:
- No NSFW content
You can see Lemmy.zip's rules by going to our Code of Conduct.
What to Expect in Our Code of Conduct:
- Respectful Communication: We strive for positive, constructive dialogue and encourage all members to engage with one another in a courteous and understanding manner.
- Inclusivity: Embracing diversity is at the core of our community. We welcome members from all walks of life and expect interactions to be conducted without discrimination.
- Privacy: Your privacy is paramount. Please respect the privacy of others just as you expect yours to be treated. Personal information should never be shared without consent.
- Integrity: We believe in the integrity of speech and action. As such, honesty is expected, and deceptive practices are strictly prohibited.
- Collaboration: Whether you're here to learn, teach, or simply engage in discussion, collaboration is key. Support your fellow members and contribute positively to shared learning and growth.
If you enjoy reading legal stuff, you can check it all out at legal.lemmy.zip.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Both sides have to talk and just as importantly, be willing to listen. Otherwise you're just spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.
I’ve been with my wife for 18 years, and this is 100% correct. Disagreements are always going to happen, you just have to talk your way through them and be willing to admit when you’re wrong.
Agree 100%. My wife and I had pretty good communication but issues still came up occasionally. A few years in we made the conscious decision to treat arguments that came up as miscommunications first and make sure we each clearly understood each other before doubling down on it. It was a total game changer and was eye opening how often we might have the unrealistic expectation of wanting the other person to read our mind.
I’m imagining you lost a few at “just have to be willing.”
Well, my wife has to be willing to admit when she’s wrong. Fortunately for me, I’m never wrong. I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.
I needed that deep laugh.
A phrase that's always stuck with me is "it's not me versus you; it's me and you versus the problem".
That and solution driven language. Instead of going "you aren't doing chore x" it's "I need chore x to be done more frequently, here's what I'm willing to commit to doing for it" and then they share what they are realistically able to deliver, and then you negotiate until some sort of compromise is reached. Of course that requires good faith. But if your relationship can't have that, maybe there shouldn't be a relationship.
What I find weird is I see people who can do this in their office job, but then completely fall to bring the same problem solving to their personal life.
what if you're the problem?
:(
If one of the people in a relationship is the problem then both (or all) people need to work together to solve it. That means communicating about the problem without being confrontational, working together to find a solution or compromise, etc. Part of this requires a change in mindset: don't think "you are the problem", think "this aspect of you is the problem". It has to be a team effort.