this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
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Used to be heavy in the business, still have ~32,000 songs left of my collection it used to be a few thousand more.
Got into it back when I had no regular internet access, where you'd have to grow your music on your own and seasons make all the difference in going outside to find a wifi hotspot and then download a list of albums that you prepared for beforehand by doing hours of research in your free time at 1 MB/s, during good hours, sitting in the freezing cold watching LibreTorrent or Freezer 24/7 on your old phone because it didn't have enough RAM to actually store an app and let it work in the background. And at the same time hoping the years-old battery would hold enough power left to last the 2 hours it took you to go home. For multiple years in succession, downloading at least 20 albums at each opportunity.
Yeah, I did some work for my collection. It's why I also can't delete it, had I deleted it within a month it would be different, but after multiple years it would feel too much of a waste. It's a monument of the same time frame in which an incredulously important person to me partook in. The first few months of this year were my second deepest spot ever, and thus I got incredibly bored of everything and, because of that, couldn't get into an artist at a time anymore, if at all. I came to the conclusion that ignoring the problem is the only thing I could realistically do, so my mood never improved or decreased, it was just a plateau that's depressing to look back at. Beginning of September I found the band Waterparks for myself and recently started expressing myself more how I want it (:3). The switch-up really fueled me to question if I could actually had a chance at being passively moderately happy, after almost two decades of having felt pretty much nothing. Music represents me, I couldn't.
Wow, I'm rambling high again, sorry not sorry >:3