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This idiom confused me for the longest time, because I use "have" and "eat" very interchangeably. "Are you going to have dinner?" etc. I didn't see that, rather, they meant "have" as a synonym for "keep".
And yeah, it's definitely backwards. "Have" doesn't suggest "will have", it's a present term only. I have a cake, can I eat it? Yes. Switching the order makes more sense. Furthermore, I think "keep" at least suggests long term.
I propose "You can't eat your cake and keep it too"
Yet still, who ever eats a whole cake? I definitely keep some for later.
Have and eat are both present looking to the future in this insane. Like have it in the future if you eat it now. It does make sense, but I do understand your gripe