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this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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I don't have the heart to tell my wife that I'm clocked out from life and waiting for it to end eagerly, because after multiple quiet attempts, I'm too cowardly to do it for fear of survival with disability.
I use the prospect of a fatal heart attack as my primary gym motivation. It works.
I hope you get the help and support you need, stranger.
Meaningful help is a luxury most Americans cannot afford. Most "help" available to peasants is just enough to get you off the ledge and back into your very real problems.
I was a practicing psychologist for 10 years, this fact is why I stopped. Get paid garbage to help a poor person with clinical depression approved for all of 3 sessions to get them PRODUCTIVE again making money for someone else, or get paid well to help the people propagating everyone else's misery as they literally complain about not having good enough fiscal years despite having too much. I'm in IT now.
I appreciate your words. You're a good person. Good luck to you.
I’m so sorry, I couldn’t imagine being on the other end and helping people, only to find no help for yourself, and being encouraged to push others (and yourself) back onto the hamster wheel. I have my own issues (including starting, becoming stuck on, then self clean from, Xanax - that withdrawal is horrendous - as well as the reason for starting it in the first place, which have not subsided but become easier to deal with), I cannot begin to understand where you are coming from.
But you have my sympathies and thoughts all the same. You aren’t alone and people care.
I know the feeling. My biggest regret with regards to my suicide attempt is that I lived. Living with a disability fucking sucks.
I wish I had something a little more sis-sis-boom-rah to say.