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I started my long journey of alcholisim at that age for similar reasons. LPT: Don't take that route. It makes things worse.
In many ways, this world is an amazing place. In many ways, it absolutely isn't. There is a ton of kindness to be found but also there is a ton of hatred and disregard. It just is what it is, unfortunately.
Honestly speaking, if you keep doing what you are doing now (isolating yourself), you are going to keep feeling the same way. It's all too easy to get sucked into a pattern of just doing the same stupid stuff all day, every day. Start breaking the pattern and do some different every day and it doesn't matter what. Hopefully it will get you out of the house or gets you into a new hobby. Find free hobbies, ideally.
The point is you need to change something and you can only do that by doing something.
You can't change your brain overnight. It takes time. For the time being, you are the only person that will likely be able to help you right now. If you want others to help you, you need to know people first. Staying in your room all day is not a good way to meet people.
Someone else suggested volunteering for something and helping others. There are tons of volunteer opportunities in many different places so that would be an excellent start. People are easier to meet because there is a thread of commonality in place, TBH.