The Onion

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The Onion

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Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

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This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.

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[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 44 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (9 children)

I dunno, i am very partial to this one

https://theonion.com/it-is-journalism-s-sacred-duty-to-endanger-the-lives-of-1850126997/

For more evidence of our time-honored journalistic commitment to endangering lives, please see our previous coverage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I said one of the best, not the best. There are other terrific ones too like https://theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529/

[–] FigMcLargeHuge@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)

My personal all time favorite is this one: https://theonion.com/general-motors-introduces-new-instant-win-airbags-1819564102/

[–] TIN 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

https://theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036/

That one, for me, although I also note that 5 blade razors are now a thing...

But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

It was also basically a "news" article version of an SNL mock ad from the 70s about a 3-bladed razor with the tagline, "because you'll buy anything."

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