hi so i forgot to message the person who was next (sorry HelltakerHomosexual) so i'm just gonna talk about a thing i like
Shadow the Hedgehog is a character that appears in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Characterized by his sharp wit and strong sense of purpose, Shadow is a recurrent arch-rival of Sonic the Hedgehog, whom he resembles and shares many abilities. He is a major supporter of trans people, as evidenced by his catchphrase, "Trans people are cool!"
^ this is all from the wiki btw
I like Shadow a lot. His first appearance in the series is in a game where him and Sonic are both fighting the government and destroying these multi-million dollar gunships. Sonic is doing it because he loves communism but Shadow is doing it because he has a blood feud against G.U.N., who are like the global government death squads because they killed this girl, Maria, who he was best friends with.
Maria basically had an incurable illness that Eggman's grandpa was trying to cure by creating an immortal lifeform, which is actually how Shadow was born. Also, Shadow has a copy of Maria's soul I guess? Seriously, look it up. I'm reading all this shit for the first time right now and that sounds kinda trans to me.
Anyway, she gets shot by the troops and despite Maria telling Shadow to be normal and happy, Eggman's grandpa is pissed off about it so he starts psyopping Shadow into wanting to kill everyone on Earth. Eggman's grandpa successfully does the psyop and locks Shadow away until Eggman finds and releases him.
With his newfound power, Shadow starts being evil and helping Eggman find the Chaos Emeralds because he sees him piss on the moon or something. This goes on for a while until he gets back on the space station and remembers what Maria said, deciding to finally be normal and happy.
He switches up, goes Hyper Shadow and helps Sonic defeat the Biolizard which is basically what it sounds like: a giant lizard who wears the space station like a little jacket and shoots lasers from his mouth. Also, that thing was the prototype Ultimate Lifeform before they decided on the optimal form of existence: a little bipedal anthro hedgehog.
So they beat this lizard up, I guess it dies and then the space station is hurtling toward the Earth. Shadow takes a Chaos Emerald and, with the help of Sonic, does one last Chaos Control on the space station, returning it to a stable altitude. Sonic finds himself back on the space station as he flies into the atmosphere. After this, a big semi-translucent Shadow appears on top of the Earth and everyone can see it.
Why would I lie about that? Here it is.
Anyway, a bunch of shit happens after that but I don't care about it. If someone else wants to talk about Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) feel free. What I really wrote this out to justify talking about is the moon in Sonic games. Like I said before, the moon gets pissed on and destroyed with the help of Shadow,
and then in the next game it's just fine but evil now(???)
and after THAT it's not evil anymore but it's fully intact:
What the fuck? Why? How? I watched it get blown up. Who put the moon back together? Anyway, we're getting in the weeds here. Welcome to the mega.
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I was reminded of my struggles recently, so I looked at some stuff about avpd and
No wonder I can't make or build friendships. Diagnosed for years, still haven't been able to get better. Why can't I be normal. Literally, genuinely, life ruining. Having autism on top of that does not help.
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I struggle with relationships so much. I want them so badly, but its just really hard for me.
I'm angry and sad. Mostly sad. None of this is new to me, obviously, idk. Just hurts more then normal right now.
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I can't relate to avpd in particular, but I suffer from sever general anxiety, and it's in the same family, at least. (Well, I say I HAD it. It only flares up in extreme situations these days--which I'm in at the moment!!)I know you've been going to therapy, and talk therapy is the most effective treatment. You think you've seen no progress?
I think you're quite social. You post here all the time, and I see you chatting on matrix. You're not always sad. You joke around, people like having you around. It's all online, but that doesn't mean it's fake. Those are real relationships, even if they are distant and somewhat shallow.
Even when you are posting dark things, that shows that you can be vulnerable around others. There's a level of trust. It seems to me that you've already broken a lot of barriers if you're not scared to be vulnerable around us.
You know that your negative views toward yourself are cognitive distortions. They can be changed.
You're always welcome to post your pain here, but I think it would be good for you to also be nicer to yourself publicly, too. Sometimes, when we write these things out and publish them, they feel more real.
Solidarity
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I'm sorry your anxiety is flaring up lately, always wishing you the bestI don't know. I used to have a job. I feel like friendships were easier, maybe that's just because I don't remember things well enough.
I don't think I talk that much. A lot of the time, when I do its something that didn't need to be said. I do agree that I'm not always sad, or at least not as sad as I get sometimes.
Shocking, hard for me to understand why or accept this. I'm not good at conversation, I don't fit in.
I have been very vulnerable here. I think a lot about the things I've said and am surprised with myself. Very embarrassing, the veil of anonymity got to me. This is a very safe space. I still worry a lot about how I'll be taken. I delete or just don't post a lot of things because of that. ~~actually had deleted the above comment because this is a stupid problem and people hate this kind of post~~.
I try to be fair to myself publicly, don't want to look like I'm endlessly begging for affirmation or anything.
I will try to remember your perspective, thank you. Thinks I'm social and vulnerable... I'll have to think on that more.
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Thank you~You don't need to! It's nice to have someone quiet around. That second sentence is just a judgment, and it's probably untrue.
You're kind. No matter how much pain you're feeling, you always have it in you to be empathetic to others. Kindness is also strength.
I mean... Maybe you don't fit into cis heteronormative white supremacist capitalist culture, but... Is that bad?
You fit in perfectly in a room full of neurodiverent trans people
Nobody thinks this <3