this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2024
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It's a very common conclusion among men. Before I finally met my gf at 23, I thought the same thing. Getting friend zoned left and right and pushed away while everyone else is whoring all day everyday for as far as you can remember makes you feel like an expired rotting piece of shit. Sentences like "You're too good, you deserve better", "Someone must like you, you're great!" or even sentences from older women like "Oh, girls must like you." just start feeling like thinly veiled insults, like everyone is making fun of you, even if they aren't.
That's gotta be rough. Those comments sound like they carry the same accidentally-condescending energy as telling a confused kid, "Oh, don't worry. You'll understand when you're older."
I mean, yes that's probably true, but it sounds dismissive of one's concerns and does nothing to allay the frustration they're feeling now.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the right response would be. Or maybe there simply isn't one?
Yea no clue, it's tough. What finally helped me out of it was me being lucky enough to have a good friend that connected me with a like minded soul. Turns out I was just surrounded by assholes and broken people and needed that jump out into a different community. It's why I feel especially bad for these incel types, because I fear if I didn't have that friend, I'd be the same a couple years later. They feel abandoned and they might be right in a weird twisted way. But without a healthy path to improve and actually achieve meaningful connections with people, it's just fucked.
I only realized I had near exclusively toxic relationships in my circles after starting college and meeting decent people. It was a rough adolescence and wrecked my sense of self worth for nearly two decades.
I think a common conclusion in general, I dated a woman once whose mind went to that explanation constantly for all kinds of things and it was basically always a distorted picture of reality. I think people just don't get needed validation due mostly to arbitrary bullshit and the world sucking and that makes it easy to buy into toxic self hating memes.