Ok, never done this before, and being a bloke, struggle to ask for help. I guess I'm hoping for some advice and to just get it off my chest. I've created a new account for this, for which it will shortly become obvious why.
I've got myself addicted to cocaine.
There, said it.
About a year ago, I went on a Stag with some relatively new friends. That was when I bought coke for the first time. I've used very occasionally in the past, but never actually bought any for myself. There was no pressure, I guess I just wanted to have fun and boost my confidence with new friends and some people I'd not met.
A month or so later, I had another night out and thought it'd be fun to buy some more. Then I bought more... And more... And more.
I'm now buying pretty much weekly and keep telling myself that this will be the last lot. Obviously, it never is! I'm now just doing it at home, not even when going out anymore.
Life should be good, I've got a great wife, 2 lovely kids, a nice house and a stable job. It just feels like something, I don't know, is missing? I feel like I should be happy, but for some reason I'm actually not. I'm approaching mid 40s, so I guess it could be a mid life crisis!
Luckily I earn fairly well, so I've not got myself in any real money issues yet, but I need to stop. My wife doesn't know, but I am not being a good husband at the moment. My family is everything to me, and I worry I will if I tell my wife.
Wtf to do?!
I wrote a huge long comment about how this is absolutely a midlife crisis but reviewing it before hitting post realised it wasn't actually especially helpful and certainly not actionable.
I'll just echo @GetOffMyLan@programming.dev and @YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world - you need someone who isn't you to talk to and who can help you hold yourself accountable to.
Writing this post was a brave first step, and might even be the hardest. Next is to get yourself an ally or sponsor.