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for those of you with good communication skills, what do I tell my manager so she stops telling me I need to talk more (socially)? (programming.dev)

submitted 3 weeks ago by dennis5wheel@programming.dev to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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very similar question to my last one but this time with management, not a coworker.

Similar because she keeps pestering me with what to her seems to be an important issue. She doesn't seem to understand that I'm there to work and not to socialize. On our last conversation she told me we're a big family and that I'm welcomed to be sincere with her with a big smile, to me a fake one.

So many red flags I wanted to run, but I still have to articulate it in office speak so she stops pestering me.

Context is an exit interview management is going to use to try and convince me to stay, but I don't want to work there anymore, too much drama and cattiness over dumb crap.

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[–] wewbull 11 points 3 weeks ago

If you really want to give it one last chance before leaving my advice would be to have a 1-on-1 talk with her.

Start out by saying that:

You understand that she works in a different way to you.
You feel more secure when your private and work lives are separate.
You feel you are able to do your best work when you can focus on the task without distraction.

"Feel" is an important word here. You're not trying to be confrontational. You're trying to express your position so she can understand you and how you work better. You're trying to show her the right way to manage you, rather than pointing out the wrong way.

Then ask a couple of questions:

Does she want you to communicate more because she's worried that you're not communicating issues that she needs to be aware of in her role? If so, that's a valid concern. Maybe organise a fixed time each week to discuss such issues so you can plan for it and come prepared.
Does she think she can accommodate how you like to work?

I expect she values "openness" but that doesn't need to be sharing your whole life with the people you work with. So meet her half-way, be open about what you're working on and the problems you're facing. She may be able to help you by resolving your dependencies on others, or getting you what you need.