Final Fantasy XI
Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!
During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.
Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.
He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.
However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”
After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!
I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!
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Hi, so I really wanted to respond to this because it kind of reminded me of myself. I wrote a bunch of stuff trying to like rationally argue with you that "I feel ok living as a guy I guess as long as I stay busy" isn't a good reason to keep things the way they are. But I think I was actually just yelling at my last self and not communicating well. So maybe I can explain why I feel angry with my past self?
I think I figured out I was trans when I was 18 and went to college and met other trans women for the first time. But honestly I was completely terrified and buried the feelings for years. I was basically a mess since around the age of 14, but managed to do ok for a bit with a combination of antidepressants and therapy and staying busy. I'm not completely sure about this because honestly I'm wasn't forming normal memories at this time and it's hard to figure out what was actually going on in my head.
At some point, I basically gave up on ever finishing school. At the same time, I started seriously considering transitioning. I spent the next 2 years or so living in a shitty basement apartment and getting stoned all the time. I would occasionally cross dress or something, but actually starting hrt was way too scary. I wasn't out to anyone irl. I literally cannot remember what I did at this time. I might have played some video games? Years passed, and I got desperate enough that started hrt via an online informed consent clinic. I had one video call with a bored nurse who talked for 20 minutes, it was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. I took a selfie that day. I look like a horrendously depressed and unmistakably male stoner who lives in a basement and doesn't take care of himself.
Anyway like 3 years later I have a college degree and a cool job in a nice city. I have a growing group of cool queer friends and we really care about each other. I go on dates now lol. I've grown massively as a person, and honestly if I met myself I would think that I'm awesome. I have actual dreams and goals that I chose for myself, instead of just ambiently absorbing what other people said I should want like I did when I was younger. I don't really pass, but its pretty liberal here and people are chill, and I look pretty cute sometimes.
But like I'm scared that I'm still the kind of same man who was stuck in the basement unable to make an appointment at the LGBT clinic 5 miles from his house. For one thing I've really been putting off surgery consultations. My friend just got her orchi done and I'm happy for her but it honestly hurts because if I had my shit together I could have done that too by now. I would like ffs someday, but will I be able to do that? Idk I'm still sabotaging myself because it's so easy to just get stuck kind of living, and also because I am clearly terrified of change.
But also it's not all bad. Like I really did transition eventually. My transition was the hardest thing I've ever done but also the only thing I've ever done that was purely for myself to make myself happy. No one (except a few very real trans girls who would probably not be popular around here judging by the Serano cancellation) will ever tell you that you need to transition. Many will discourage uou. But I did it anyway and now my life is infinitely better and more interesting.