this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2023
102 points (99.0% liked)

Asklemmy

43963 readers
2407 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Cloak@lemmy.ml
mekhos@lemmy.ml
tmpod@lemmy.pt
14specks@lemmy.ml
102
Those with parents who hold opposite political views than you, how do you go about disagreeing? (lemm.ee)
submitted 1 year ago by minorsecond@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
73 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

To be more specific, my parents raised my siblings and me to "respect" them, saying "yes sir, and "no ma'am" to everything they said. Spankings, all of that. Typical super conservative evangelical parents. Before I learned better, I was that way too. I went to college and since then have embraced the left more and more.

They'll say things now and then that are really distasteful politically. Today I made an Instagram post about DeSantis lying about liberal states allowing post-birth abortions and I got several family members railing against me. I'm tired of staying quiet when this happens. I think that, because how my parents raised me, I'm afraid to speak my mind to older family members. Fuck that though.

Has anyone else had this experience? I wonder if therapy would help. I just don't know how to explain it.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] lumberjacked@lemmy.world 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Here's my experience:

My wife and I both grew up very conservative evangelical. Over the last 15 years, we went from right to left (which I'm so happy to have had someone on that path).

Meanwhile, a good chunk of our family has gone hard right or turned a blind eye to those who do. My wife and I have taken different approaches. I dropped off all social media where family was. I've established my own boundaries based on how batshit crazy they are and how much I want to stay in touch.

Cousin who posts all the conspiracy shit? I'll see you at wedding and funerals.

Dad who was an amazing father but listens to Tucker Carlson too much? We typically have 2 hours of conversation before we get to politics. So that's how long we spend together.

My wife deals with that stuff better. She posts on social media but in a kind and persuasive way, never arguing or getting mad on there, even though she is.

For me, the biggest reason why it's been good to take the more soft approach is the number of people who reach out to us (mostly my wife) because they are beginning to change their views too. They need a safe place to ask questions. This has included a niece who confided that she's gay and a sibling who went from moderate republican to climate activist vegan. Coming out the other side together bonds us even more.

So, boundaries. Be firm, but kind. Be patient and inviting for those asking questions. Also, yes therapy.

[โ€“] Cylusthevirus@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is solid advice. The importance of setting and enforcing boundaries cannot be overstated, particularly when things are emotionally charged.

I've made it very clear that I won't talk with my parents about politics. Mom can't help taking the odd pot shot, but I just deflect or ignore it. I don't engage anymore because there is zero benefit to engaging.

We talk about the things we can talk about and let the rest go. If that becomes not enough for them or they can't respect boundaries, we scale back contact until they do.