The ETR 600 is a class of trains built by Alstom, and are used on the routes between Roma-Bolzano and Roma-Trieste. The train tilts, using Pendolino technology, allowing higher speeds to be maintained through corners without causing discomfort to passengers. The trains are operated by Trenitalia, originally under the Frecciargento (Silver Arrow) branding used for trains capable of travelling between 250 km/h and 285 km/h, In 2022 they were rebranded under Frecciarossa (Red Arrow) after the Frecciargento branding was retired.
The ETR 600 has also been adapted for use in China as the China Railway CRH5 Hexie. Initially 60 sets were ordered, of which nine were manufactured by Alstom and 51 by CNR Changchun Railway Vehicles. Since, another 80 sets have been created for a total of 140, operating across China's north from Beijing to ΓrΓΌmqi.
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dysphoria
Body is awful. I feel very disconnected from it a lot of the time, any time I get brought back I hate it. This is all wrong.Some stuff (and hopefully a lot of the mental stuff) will improve with hrt. But I don't know if I can/should start right now. Even still there's other stuff that won't be fixed. Will I ever like and accept my body. spoiler self harm urges Whatever bad vibes my body is giving me (can't tell if it's dysphoria or something else), it really makes me want to cut my arms. Only stopped by scars. Giving in and doing something non scarring (like a band) wouldn't stop the urges.
Maybe (and maybe this is not a good idea, obviously I'm feeling awful and want to self harm so my ideas are not good) if I just told them I was self harming and need to transition they'd understand... How could anyone leave me like this. :::
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If you can start HRT, you should. It's just more time not on HRT if you don't start. Now, you might not be able to be on HRT yet which is totally reasonable but if you can get it - I'd say go for it. You can stop if it's not for you, that's allowed. The cis are surprisingly unable to glimpse changes lol, you might be surprised how long you can safety-boymode for before someone sees anything different. I have a friend who started socially transitioning in high school, she'd bring her girl clothes in her backpack for the day and change at school - how would you feel about that? Not necessarily for school, but like work or whatever.Who were you thinking of telling about thoughts of self harm? Like the gender healthcare people? It's not unusual, in fact tbh it's all too common in my experience. Or, like, your parents? That's a tougher one, yeah, you could tell them about the thoughts and history of it - and your call on if you wanna include gender stuff - but only you have a good idea of how they'd react. Telling your parents you're having thoughts of self-harm might help, if only to help you stay accountable and to help remove any tools in the house you might use, but they might over react too (you know them so you probably have some idea where theyd fall). Sometimes getting into an inpatient psych situation can help jumpstart your gender meds but it's not exactly easy to be on the inside of those institutions and people do, sadly, get mistreated.
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Actually getting it is difficult, and the cis noticing is the other big concern. Even if I'm guaranteed an amount of time... I just don't know if that's enough to be independent. That sounds very scary, don't have girl clothes anyway. I should try coming out to friends though. Keep meaning to.(I hope this doesn't sound snarky, I don't mean it to) It isn't just thoughts. It is a lot of thoughts, but I do act on them sometimes. Family yea, they know I did I little while ago but I never talk with them about it and haven't had anything visible since they found out. I do not want them "holding me accountable", fuck that oh my god. idk not your fault for bringing up the idea, but that's wrapped in so much church language for me. Inpatient... :/ I don't know how I feel about that... Hope I'm communicating my thoughts okay, sorry just having a moment.
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No, that's fine you're coming across well! Yeah, I didn't know your family situation besides you all seem quite strained. The "accountability" stuff would just amount to keeping you safe from acting on thoughts of self harm - not like checking you over or blaming, but being proactive by removing the means (after my sister was apprehended and lived with us, we had to hide all the knives and get rid of the alcohol. That's the only kind of accountability I mean.) I dont know if your family would be capable of that level of restraint and boundary to stay only in keeping you safe and not butting in too much.It's okay if your situation is too much/too dire to start HRT on right now. You would have at least a few months before any big physical changes start and it can be years before they're obvious. Even when they're obvious, the cis are kind of very easy to fool by boymoding. I think telling your friends will give you a lot of relief and support, and they might even be able to arrange you being able to go out en femme without your family knowing at all. It also sounds like you'll benefit quite a bit once you're out of your family's place and independent or with roommates you can trust - which can be a very large step, all that im saying is it just sounds like you get a lot of stress just from having to live in that home with (potentially or actually) unsupportive family.
Inpatient is only if you think it will be helpful. They might only focus on getting you into a safe headspace and to start outpatient therapy and get you started on, possibly, antidepressants etc. That may be all they do. They may not get you hooked into the gender clinic/healthcare stuff at all, it's too varied to say. If you were at my hospital, I know the psychs on call by name and history and I could tell you which days to come lol - but so much depends on their own practice and quirks and biases. It might be useful just so you're safe from harming yourself - but again, I can't guarantee what it would be like at your particular one. I wish I could... I don't think you should continue to self-harm. I know it can be quite relieving, but I doubt I have to tell you that that relief is only temporary. If you do self-harm, please be safe and take care of your wounds by keeping them clean and protected.
When I was at my worst OCD, I would get relief from anxiety by checking and rechecking (and rechecking etc) but that relief lasted maybe a couple minutes and I'd start doubting if I ever really checked or if something changed etc. And I would feel compelled to check again or I'd ruminate and obsess on whatever needed checking. What I had to do for long term relief was start on an SNRI and do a lot of therapy, and also stop checking no matter how much my brain screamed at me. Eventually, I was able to stop my SNRI after a lot of modifications to my life and about 18 months of regular therapy. I still every once in a while get the urge to check (like, did I put on my parking pass, did I turn the oven off, did I lock my door, did I close/open the windows, etc that kind of checking) but I'm able to deal with the anxiety of not.
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Thank you for talking with me, I hope you understand the late replies. Family stuff is good, outside of transition. I see what you mean now. Doubt they could mind their business with it. Plus, tbh, I'm not sure if I actually do want to give up my tools anyway.Its not okay. I am very much not okay, I need hrt and transition stuff to maybe, start being okay again. And I can't. Maybe that's enough time. I feel really worried about being out in a year~ though, especially putting a timer on it. Being on my own will help a lot with this stuff though, yea.
Good to know I'm making the right choice avoiding inpatient. I'm in outpatient, he's shit about trans stuff but I can't really switch. I've thought about getting back on meds, I don't remember them doing anything for me last time I was on them though so that doesn't really make me want to start again. Tried around a dozen. I know I should stop self harm. I don't like it either.
I don't have much to say to this, thank you for sharing your struggle with ocd and urges.