I'm thinking more seriously about this and I don't think there's a way to do this that doesn't just end up with performative forced apologies. Obviously bad views and behaviors can be changed and worked on, but very often coming to terms with things is a hard and long process, and asking someone to speed it up can actually counteract positive progress by creating resentment.

I think a better option than requiring self-crit is just having a comm for "help me work on this shit" so that it can be more voluntary, but still easy for everyone else to block. Maybe temp bans could be for everywhere except there, but with no obligation to use it, and bad-faith use would extend the ban length (or other options). Obviously though it would require a lot of moderation work though to not devolve into a bunch of jackasses reinforcing their own shitty beliefs. Very easy for me to volunteer this great idea that would be a lot of work to implement and maintain and also I'm not qualified to do that work.

At some point I came to terms with the realization that when I ask friends or family for help, or even talk with a counselor, I stubbornly fight with every suggestion I'm given, and then in the coming days the words start to sink in and I consider the ideas more seriously and usually realize my thinking was bad. I have a lot of love for the people in my life who accept this and still try to help me. The process is who I am and it works for me, but it makes it harder to inquire about anything potentially inflammatory, because I don't want people to see the stubbornness if I'm defending a repugnant idea, even if I really need to hear the arguments against my thinking. And if I still believe it, it's really hard to know if my rationale is actually repugnant or not without another voice.

Like I have a couple recurring thoughts that I'd like to ask about and have challenged, find out if they're well-founded or if they're bigoted, reflect and fix if they are, but if they are problematic and do need to be corrected, I know that I'll have at least a day where I'm still trying to defend them anyway. The time spent afterwards ruminating on a discussion like that would allow me to fix the issue. But, fragile ego and everything, if this is a public discussion and I get called out on being an asshole/bigot, the result is I ruminate more on my own identity and character. When I start thinking deeply on "am I a bad person?", I get completely sidetracked from the thoughts I need to be having to correct the original belief I still need to get sorted out. I'm not pretending that's a healthy way of thinking or that I shouldn't fix it, just saying that I've been trying to fix it for a long while now and still am not there.

Basically, having a space where I can ask "is this belief repugnant?" and a day or two where I'm allowed try to justify my reasoning would do wonders for identifying and correcting problematic thoughts I still have, but it requires the listeners to assume good faith (an absurdly gargantuan ask when talking about randos on the internet spouting offensive nonsense), and requires a lot of effort from moderation on top of that.