The thought of life and existence being ultimately meaningless (Something else my mind fights against, despite knowing it's true) is too much of a blow to my psyche to overcome and look at light-heartedly.

I'm just so desperate to have a purpose and meaning in my life, but at the same time I can't sincerely believe in any religion or afterlife. I try to "live in the moment" and "be happy and make others happy", but it just isn't enough. I need something more.

Edit: Thank you everyone for their responses so far, I do read them all. They give me something to ponder and think about, maybe even leading to a solution.

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[–] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 7 points 6 months ago

One of the many problems with "stewing in ennui" types like Camus is that they represent finding meaning in life as a matter of internal psychology, not just something rational but something that is rationalized. For many people, it is engagement with the world that acts as a precondition to experiencing meaning, rather than an experience of meaning somehow preceding anything meaningful. My suggestion to you based on what you say is to go do stuff with people.