Ask Lemmy
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Friend, your wife is enabling his abuse of her good will. If he's not going to contribute and help out the people helping him, he might just need to figure it out all on his own.
I've been in that situation with my own "friend", and the only way to win is to not play their games. Playing the game just gives them the ability to manipulate your feelings and the sunk cost of time and money from the 'friendship' to continue the abuses.
Frankly sounds like his beef should be with his wife. That guy didn't drain her bank account, she did.