The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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founded 3 years ago
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Self-identified independent announces dinner preference of “I don’t know, whatever you don’t want” (thebeaverton.com)
submitted 1 month ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
 
 

HARRISBURG, PA ― Undecided voter and self-described “non-partisan skeptical moderate” Deannah Sole has announced that, in the rapidly approaching election for tonight’s meal, which is locked in a dead heat between Italian and sushi, she intends to vote for whatever will leave everyone with an actual preference unhappy.

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Republican Voter Can’t Tell If Nazi Imagery In TV Ad Supposed To Be Positive Or Negative (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 1 month ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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Trump Admits Relationship With Epstein Severed After Dispute Over Dibs On Ivanka (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
27 comments fedilink
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Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
25 comments fedilink
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Elon Musk Offers $1M to Anyone Who Signs His Birthday Card (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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Historians Unearth Final Fundraising Telegraph Hitler Sent From Bunker (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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New Indiana Law Requires Women Voters To Show Husband’s ID (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
43 comments fedilink
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Biden Whimpering From Inside White House Supply Closet (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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New Trump Ad Shows Montage Of People He’ll Kill If Elected | Onion News Network (www.youtube.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
7 comments fedilink
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U.S. Deploys Socially Awkward Men Along Border To Deter Migrants (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
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Dog Looks At Owner Who Put It In Costume Like Mafia Don Betrayed By Loyal Consigliere (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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Pervert Goes Door To Door Asking For Trick-Or-Treaters (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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Catholic Church Courts Youth By Adding Badass Deity With Robotic Falcon Head (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
16 comments fedilink
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Report: Get Back Here And Apologize To Your Mother (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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Pros And Cons Of Prosecuting School Shooters’ Parents (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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Project 2025 Council Vows to Capture Captain Planet and the Planeteers and Destroy Them Once and For All (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
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Report Finds You Should Get To Retire After, Like, 6 Years Working Full-Time Job (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
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Revised Citizenship Test Requires Immigrants To Name Every U.S. State Where They Not Welcome (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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Coworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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The one percent (www.youtube.com)
submitted 2 months ago by sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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Trump Attempts To Soften Image With New Airbrushed JCPenney Beauty Shots (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
15 comments fedilink
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Corporation Boasts About How Diverse the Latest Round of Layoffs Are (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
12 comments fedilink
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Conservative Man Proudly Frightened Of Everything (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
6 comments fedilink
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JD Vance Warns Millions Of Women May Vote Under Influence Of Menstrual Madness (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
30 comments fedilink
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Shitty Beard Barely Has Any Frolicsome Woodland Creatures Living In It (theonion.com)
submitted 2 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
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