SquishedFly

It's been almost 10 years. I've given up on the hope of them being less jarring to look at so covering is the only thing I can do...

The worst part is: I feel like I want this soo badly but I don't know if I really want it. The imagination of having someone is the sweetest thing in existence but in all reality, I don't think that I could handle having someone that close to me.... I don't understand my sexuality, but that's fine. I'll just post memes to cope with it and cry into my Blahaj when I need to

src for the background image: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/119419109

So I've started estrogen around 3 weeks ago (hooray (^ヮ^)/ ) but have noticed one thing that is really bothering me.

I feel like I could eat the entire day through. I'm just constantly hungry and it really irks me... Before, I had absolutely no issues going with one, maybe two small meals a day (when not at work) and sometimes even completely skipping a day. But now I pretty much need a chewing gum to sedate me from eating all the food that I made for myself for today and tomorrow.

It's really tearing on me... Yes, I am slightly underweight (56kg/173cm) but the fact that I am a little slim is like 30% of what makes me pass even just on 3 weeks of HRT...

I don't want to gain weight, I don't want to lose this figure of mine, I don't want to waste so much time and money just eating....

I know that this is probably partially an undiagnosed eating disorder speaking but does any one of you have a similar experience?

The fat i'd accumulate wouldn't go to my ass or boobs.... I have no chance of getting much of either sadly so it would just collect as undesirable belly padding....

For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).

With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.

I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it's a necessary step to get better.

And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like "how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable" and so on.

And now I'm here, asking you for similar experiences you've had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it's a normal thing to feel (hopefully).

So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?

I'm so scared...

I'm from a small central European country called Austria. We recently had elections for our EU representative. Sadly, the HEAVILY conservative party (formerly the same party that Hitler was in) won.

Literally all that they want to do is just objectively wrong - from ignoring climate change to leaving the EU, and that's not even mentioning their views on us queer folk.

Seeing as how this election turned out, I'm so incredibly scared of the next one (nationalratswahl) because, if they get elected there too, they can cause some serious damage to Austria/us. I'm actually so scared that I feel the need to kinda rush my transition now (mainly meaning legal name/gender change).

I actually genuinely feel ashamed living here sometimes. And yes, I am thinking of leaving the country if it gets worse but it's really not that easy for me currently...

I'm sorry for the rant but I'm just incredibly scared about my safety here in the future. I also don't have any other place to rant this to ;-;

As a transfem, it's probably not a surprise that I get disphoric about a certain area. Tucking normally doesn't really work for me because it leaves tape residue everywhere, hurts like hell to remove the tape and is super inconvenient (even though it's medical tape). My idea: there has to be at least some underwear that is specifically designed for tucking.

After googling for a good while, I found a couple of sites offering tucking underwear. The only issue is: the price is extremely high. Does anyone of you have experience with tucking underwear? What are your thoughts and can you recommend them? I don't wanna blow a ton of money on something that turns out to be only mediocre at best.

Along with that, does anyone have any sources to buy from in central Europe (online or in-person), specifically Austria/Vienna?

(First time posting here, hi you cuties ^^/)

For context, I am 18 MtF but don’t have any medication yet because of the local healthcare system. To add to that, while I am in therapy, I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about this because I will need a confirmation from him that says that I can have HRT to actually get HRT. This puts me into this weird place where I very much should talk to my therapist about it but also shouldn’t because it might hinder me from getting hormones (I hate this system). Of course, I don’t want to replace my therapist with you, I just want some of your thoughts and experiences with this.

Long story short, pretty much everyone I’ve ever heard talk about this has always said that there is a difference between attraction and gender envy. The only issue is, this line doesn’t really exist for me.

If I think someone is cute, I can never really differentiate between the feeling of “I wish I was this cute” or “I wish they would hug me / I could hug them”. What makes all of this even more complicated is that I am very much unsure about my sexuality. Since the thought of sexual interactions actually kinda disgust me, I guess I’m ace? But then again, I also kinda feel an attraction to more feminine presenting people? Yet I am also open for any other, or no gender at all? And more importantly, is this feeling of wanting to be someone I think is cute just from me hating myself? Does that mean that I’m not trans? And why are other trans people saying that there is a difference?

Does anyone of you also struggle to find this line between attraction and gender envy? If yes, what does this feel for you? And if no, what are your thoughts on this?

PS.: You shouldn’t feel the need to validate me. The last thing I want is to be stuck in some sort of echo-chamber. If what you read, makes you think I’m not trans then please please please tell me so.