While not as common as before AF would scream out loud in public and on dating apps in all caps they do not date AM as if that gives them some sort of additional social status. In the bay it is rewarded because of tech bros, extreme competition, and treating dating like job prospects. If you're in an area with 60% men the competition will be fierce and any sort of edge is used to get the advantage. My theory for why it happened at a much more exponential rate compared to say SoCal or Vegas is that the majority of the Asian men here did not do the one thing that minimizes this: muscles and style. The majority of AF here open to AM go for fit AM as if you need fitness to offset some sort of inferior racial bs.
A lot of those who are writing in I'm sure are over 30 as that generational gap is huge. Things have improved with the rise of kpop. But if you find yourself in a Gen X and Millennial bubble these women never saw a positive representation of an Asian male or don't care to so you're going to have a lot of self-hate. It's improved with the younger generation under 30 because Asian male romance roles are out there and more easily accessible. Look at readily available kdramas on Netflix and kpop on Youtube.
In a lot of other countries and places it felt refreshing to not have to actively worry about being an Asian male. So while traveling may be a band-aid or whatever it gave me perspective that truly saved my life. You get to see women treat you positively or neutrally around the world. I recommend Asia (your native country), Eastern Europe (men can treat you weird or bad but a decent niche of women are interested thanks to kpop) and with all of the positive examples, Mexico, and some parts of South America. Remember to do your research on good neighborhoods and dangerous neighborhoods. If you're more paycheck to paycheck or poor, at least go to LA or Vegas. Even going for 2-4 weeks helped me find that perspective that other places don't live in such a tense, dog eat dog, fake progressive vibe like the bay. It feels incredible to be a part of a normal dating scene where a decent niche of women are interested assuming you are a bit above average. You don't feel the atmosphere of anti-Asian male around you.
(original by magicalbird)
Is this Lemmy community contiguous with the Reddit sub?