EsheLynn

I was playing one of my "therapy games;" a game that, like, I use for therapy, ya know? I saw a line I hadn't seen:

"Thank you for showing these monsters how to love."

Context aside, it got me thinking, self-reflecting.

I've been trying to "set aside" our arguments, trying to show my brother, my mom I'm still me.

I'm trying to love them, despite how I feel they have slighted me. I'm trying to show them how to love.

Before you write them off completely, try to show the monsters in your life how to love (with healthy boundaries, of course). The results may surprise you.

I am having issues letting go of my family. My dad, he's awesome. Bought me a bunch of makeup and nails polish and is just generally wonderful.

My mom and one of my brothers at least are giant thundercunts. My brother cut me out of my nephew's life cuz 8 "is too young to be thinking of gender identity," even though they have been saying "it's a boy" since the ultrasound. My mom is standing up for my brothers parental rights, yet won't even say my brother is being a dickheaded bigot. "Cuz I'm 37 and old enough to fight my own battles"

I want my mom and my brothers. I'm really sad and hurt. I have told them as such. They do not care. How do I cut them out and let them go. It's really hard.

I'm just torturing myself every day, trying to win them over. It hurts that they don't care. I want them in my life, but not if they are going to be filled with so much hate.

Help?

So, my endocrinology intake is swiftly approaching, in November. I'm excited and anxious. They would at least start me on testosterone blockers, right? Or is it more waiting?

I know I will still have to shave , until I have laser hair removal, but, will I be able to go longer than 10 hours without feeling stubble?

Will I be able to go more than one day without shaving my body hair without looking at my chest and arms in disgust?

I know YMMV, but I was just hoping things will start getting easier soon, like maintenance.

I just wanted to share that you don't have to be "traditionally beautiful" to be considered a woman. I am a woman. I am aware I don't conform to society's vision of a woman. But I am a woman.

So, my kid had a corset they weren't using. They said it was too big. So... They let me try it on and it looks so feminizing, even under a shirt! I put on my sticky nude bra thing with it, and God it feels so good! It may not be much boobage, but hell, I look down and see something other than man-belly now!

Btw, what apps do you use to connect to lemmy? I've been using Connect, but can never seem to upload pics or anything? I wanna show off, I feel cute! 🥺

So, my Endocrinologist appt. is in November. I know it's only three months, but it feels forever away. So, I guess I was wondering, has anyone here worked with Folx? What is their response rate like? Do they do blood work to monitor your hormones levels? How does that work, a referral to a local clinic? Is it worth the membership cost? Should I just wait and hope I get pushed up the wait-list for local providers?

The guy I've been referred to seems to be more of a "best of what we've got," as he seems to more specialize in diabetic care. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but is there much overlap in diabetic care and gender affirming care, other than hormones in the broadest sense?

I just have a lot of anxiety about this, in the sense that I want to start this up sooner rather than later. I'm 37. I just want a chance to be a hot young woman? Ya know? Just a chance?

When I talk to myself, sometimes I call myself my dead name, or my gender I don't associate myself with. I am self-aware enough to know I've associated myself as male and [name] for thirty-seven years, but it annoys me I haven't made that connection in my brain somewhere that yes, I'm a girl, my name is Eshe. I feel it in my soul, so why is my brain being such an ass?

She wanted to see me on her lunch break. I was nervous. I warned her I would be in girlmode, and, to be honest, ladies, I don't think I have a boymode any more.

I feel like it went really well. The first thing she did was cry and hug me, telling me I've been through so much. We talked about the subsect of Christians that only have hate. We talked about how I came to this decision. About the kids. About what the next steps forward is. She wanted to really impress on me that she loves me, through and through.

Sometimes, it really is all in your head. Sometimes, I know it isn't. Regardless, you are loved. I wish to formally extend my support and love to whoever needs it. Don't forget, this community, it's for us. We can try to be the support network you need, if you feel like you have no one else to turn to. You all have been so wonderful to me, helping with my questions as I come to terms with myself. Don't be like I used to be, just lurking, afraid to ask. This is our safe space. There are no stupid questions. I love y'all.