Blinky

So a couple of days ago a co worker was trying to give me shit for going slow, I responded “ I’m still getting everything done, this is just a job, what are they gonna do, fire me?” Apparently that really upset her and she hasn’t come in the last few days, she’s still on the schedule so I don’t think she quit. The office gossip told me it has something to do with what I said. I’m a little proud of myself.

I see a lot of down votes and conflict in privacy communities about which one is the best, but tbh, if you're not using fb/sms/email you're pretty much the top 1% of privacy users. So as far as we should be concerned, that's good enough.

The debates about signal being better than matrix etc are fine to have, but IMO it'd be more productive if we spoke more about how to get granny, the boss, the nephew, etc on signal, matrix etc. Doesn't matter how good any of our privacy apps are, I almost never meet a single person who uses any of them and have to default to fb. Most people over yonder haven't even heard of the apps that aren't telegram or signal.

IMO targeting the discorders(/telegramers) is the lowest hanging fruit. Discord/tg is already bridge compatible with matrix, if you can use LibreOffice, you can set up the t2bot discord-matrix bridge.

I dislike how to post on like the majority of big subreddit, you have to have X karma, Y account age etc, and those things seem to be enforced by automod. A really good feature of lemmy for me is there being no automod!

Shill yourself/creators-you-like and I'll subscribe/follow if I like your content :)

The wikipedia article sometimes lists it as fediverse, sometimes not.

Are their any plans for matrix to join the fediverse?

#Acronyms and RBN Terminology#

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##A

ACoN - Adult Child of Narcissist(s)

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##B

BIL - Brother-In-Law

BD - Bipolar Disorder

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

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##D

DAE - Does/Did Anyone Else

DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Common tactics used by abusers. More info here and here.

DoNF - Daughter of Narcissistic Father

DoNM - Daughter of Narcissistic Mother

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##E

Edad/Emom - Enabler dad/enabler mom

Egg Donor - Alternate name for abusive/narcissistic mother

Extinction burst - Activity, usually frantic, before someone gives up on an unrewarded behavior.

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##F

FLEAS - Frightening Lasting Effects of Abuse. What are FLEAS?

FM - Flying Monkey - This is a term that most likely was inspired by "This Wizard of Oz" (as in, the Wicked Witch's Flying Monkeys). When we talk about them in the sub, we are discussing people, family, friends, etc. that are working on behalf of our abusers in order to get information (to pass on to our abusers), guilt us into continuing/resuming contact, justifying our abusers' actions, etc.

FOC - Family of Choice

FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Common feelings experienced by people in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. More info here.

FOO - Family of Origin

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##G

Gaslighting - Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. More info here.

GC - Golden Child

Ghosting - Gradually going from LC to NC without making a "formal announcement" to our abusers.

Grey Rocking/Grey Rock Technique - "Do not respond with any emotion when they try and provoke you... In order to go Gray Rock, when you must engage with the Narcissist, only talk about boring things: your laundry, getting your oil changed, doing your taxes. Do not talk about anything that will make them jealous or in any way encourages them to cause drama." This method may be useful when cutting off or reducing contact to an abuser is not possible. Read more about this technique here: http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

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###H

Hoovering - Narcissistic hoovering refers to attempts made by the narcissist to bring you back into their life – often after a period of distance on your part. Especially if this is a new behaviour for you, the narcissist might hold off for a short while to see if you're really serious about creating that distance. During the process, the narcissist abuser may employ virtually any means necessary to obtain their desired result: the return of the victim to the abusive relationship. These ploys can include attempting to put the victim on a guilt-trip, generating false promises of changed behavior, false promises of too-good-to-be-true gifts, begging, screaming at the victim, use of relationship shame, making threats, insincerely accepting blame for the failure of the relationship, or even using others (flying monkeys) to help persuade the victim to return to the relationship. The abusive narcissist is on a no-holds-barred campaign to convince the victim to return to the abuse and their abusive clutches.

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##J

J.A.D.E. - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE. (source: Out of the Fog)

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##L

LC - Low Contact. Technique that reduces contact to the abuser in terms of intensity or frequency.

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##N

N or Narc - Narcissist/Narcissistic

NC - No Contact

NMiL/NFiL - Narcissistic mother-in-law/father-in-law

NMom/NDad - Narcissistic mother/father

Nsupply - The energy or emotional hit that a Narcissist gets from creating an emotional response in their victims

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##S

SC - Structured Contact. Technique that permits contact with the abuser within defined boundaries and rules. This may be a useful alternative when LC or NC are not possible or not desirable.

SG - Scapegoat

SIL - Sister-In-Law

SoNM - Son of Narcissistic Mother

SoNF - Son of Narcissistic Father

Sperm Donor - Alternate name for abusive/narcissistic father

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##T

TW - Trigger Warning

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##V

VLC - Very low contact. Like LC, this technique reduces contact with an abuser down to the bare minimum.

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##W

WOES - Walking on eggshells. Having to be overly careful or quiet (literally or figuratively) so as not to upset or enrage an abuser.

All permutations of relationships exist

Just needed a space to vent a bit. I’m currently sitting here (I should be napping while my baby sleeps) watching messages roll by in a private family chat planning a surprise birthday for my brother. On my birthday.

I’ve been struggling a lot more with my family during covid, and my partner and I have been extremely selective over everything we do/bring our baby to. This has meant missing out on family stuff, which has royally pissed off my nmom. She’s the type to trash talk behind your back under the guise of “caring”, but has been spreading flat lies about us for the past year.

Now my brother’s and my birthdays are 5 days apart. My sister (who I’m currently NC with because of a covid-related fight) is unvaccinated and we refuse to be around her. My family knows this. She and her kids couldn’t make it to the first date my SIL had planned, so they moved it to the following weekend. Specifically? My birthday. My nmom picked the date. They moved it to my birthday to include the person that they know I will choose not to be around. They’re also planning to make sure my other brother and his fiancée, who I haven’t seen in almost a year, can be there. And I’m sitting here waiting for just one person (in a group of 12) to say “…hey wait, isn’t that puddlejumper’s birthday?”

I’m just having a hard time with this one. Like I said I’ve been struggling with them for a while and honestly probably would have chosen to skip the event even if my sister weren’t going, but this just feels like such a punch in the gut.

Anyway, thanks for listening. My partner and I will do something fun with our daughter on my birthday. Can’t stop thinking about how we’d never treat her like this. Sigh.