this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2024

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Is it normal for people to comment to their friends whether or not they would sleep with passing strangers? (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 9 months ago by CannotSleep420@lemmygrad.ml to c/asklemmygrad@lemmygrad.ml

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Whenever I'm out in public with my friends, if a woman passes by, they always feel compelled to say whether or not "would bang". They make it out like I'm the weird one for not doing this.

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[–] AlbigensianGhoul@lemmygrad.ml 26 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

"Normal"? Sadly yes with men.

Still gross as fuck. Feel validated, and if you can try to make them feel like the weird ones.

[–] Assian_Candor@hexbear.net 24 points 9 months ago

It is not normal but it is widespread and extremely sexist obviously

[–] bennieandthez@lemmygrad.ml 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Pretty common and has been for a long time ( at least since the patriarchy ), it used to be even harrassment when wolf-whistling and similar practices were more common. As women rights have progressed, these practices have been replaced by these whispers between friends. Still the people that do these things are pretty much telling you that they only think about sex.

[–] Valbrandur@lemmygrad.ml 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

These answers are pretty surprising to me. I don't know where do you all live nor what kind of people do you get yourselves involved with (and frankly, I don't want to know), but I'm honestly glad that I can't relate to this.

[–] bigboopballs@hexbear.net 22 points 9 months ago

No, those kids are dorks.

[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 16 points 9 months ago

Due to living under patriarchy, this is not uncommon even though it sucks. Not sure how best to confront/diffuse it, but maybe mocking the behavior somehow would get the point across.

I'm not friends with your dick, so I don't care about its preferences. Next time someone tells me 'would bang' I am kicking you in the balls as a form of negative reinforcement behavior modification.

[–] funky_tomatoe@lemmygrad.ml 13 points 9 months ago

Yeah I have friends like that. It seems to be normalized in the among the more reactionary friends of mine, while the more progressive ones (as in some radlib tendencies) seem to be more crticial of such behavior although it still happens, albeit less frequently. It always makes me really uncomfortable.

[–] porcupine@lemmygrad.ml 13 points 9 months ago

"Is street harassment normal?" and "Is street harassment good?" are two very different questions.

[–] relay@lemmygrad.ml 12 points 9 months ago

I've never understood this. I've never wanted to do that kind of thing.

[–] lorty@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 9 months ago

Nope. Even when I was a teen we just looked and were happy with it. I have one friend that comments on instagram girls but we mostly don't care to label them into "would bang" or "would not bang".

[–] newerAccountWhoDis@hexbear.net 9 points 9 months ago

Depends on where you live and who you hang with. In my experience this behavior isn't normal and showing it would get you shamed and made fun of if not blackballed

[–] PaulSmackage@hexbear.net 7 points 9 months ago

It's common, and it's gross. When i'm out in public, my main concern is where i'm going to eat next, not about strangers.

[+] CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml -16 points 9 months ago (2 children)

yeah its pretty normal. not sure why americans are all such puritans that the idea of talking to your friends about who you're attracted to is abnormal

[–] Valbrandur@lemmygrad.ml 25 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Please don't paint all of us non-Americans as creeps. To get weirded out if you are casually walking down the street and a friend of yours by your side tells you "I'd totally bang that one" when a random woman that none of you two has ever seen before passes by is not to be a puritan: it's to be a normal human being with a minimum sense of what is socially appropriate and what it isn't.

[+] CatrachoPalestino@lemmygrad.ml -14 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I don't understand whats creepy about it. is it socially inappropriate because you're talking about sex or inappropriate because you're talking about being attracted to someone?

[–] JuryNullification@hexbear.net 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

It’s objectification. You are reducing another human being into an object whose only characteristic is whether or not you’d fuck them.

Commenting on someone’s fashion choices, how they’ve styled their hair, how they’ve chosen to present themselves, etc is normally not objectifying, as those are choices that person made. Saying, “that person is pretty/handsome/beautiful” is closer to objectifying but is more dependent on the rest of the context. But saying “I’d fuck her” is objectification.

This isn’t Puritanism, it’s about seeing other human beings as human beings and not a hole to fuck.

[–] rostselmasch@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 9 months ago

In my experience, the wording is not "I am attracted to this person", it is rather done in a more degrading way. It is ok to say to your friend, that you are attracted to someone. But it can get quite annoying if a person starts rating every other person. I can somehow understand this behaviour if someone is experiencing puberty. Hormones are a hell of a thing.

It gets far more inappropriate if it is done in a political context. Likey being part of an organisation/party and some comrades are behaving like they are on Tinder.

Op should simply tell their friends, that they should stop doing it if it is a problem.

[–] bigboopballs@hexbear.net 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

talking to your friends about who you're attracted to

Not the way they're doing it